What is off limits to criticize women about?

Some work friends and I were recently discussing things that men can not criticize their girlfriends about. It was astounding how incorrect us guys were when trying to lay out our "rights" in terms of constructive criticism. The women in the office were appalled at what we thought we were allowed to talk about. If I could figure out what I am allowed to criticize and what I should stay away from, I'd avoid arguments and do a better job of hitting on girls.

I'm guilty of saying things to women that only their best girlfriends, gay male friends, and moms/sisters are allowed to say. I put together a list below:

Weight

There is no friendly way for a guy to tell a girl that she's put on weight. Even if there was a friendly way, most of the women I've talked to about it said they would not want to hear it from a guy. It seems obvious, but not all guys know this. We polled some of the guys in our office, and the prevailing male opinion was as long as she's your girlfriend, or you've known each other for a while, then you can make weight loss suggestions. I think the best policy is silence. If I'm desperate to make a suggestion, maybe I tell one of her girlfriends to do it on my behalf.

Outfit

I think I'm only allowed to say someone generally looks nice, or I like her shirt or whatever. Getting too detailed or negative gets me in trouble. In fact, I attempted to "add on" to a compliment I gave a girl once. I told her she looked great, because she had a new outfit on. Now, remembering those times I saw my sisters or friends bark back "thanks, and just $30 from Target," I tried to double up on my compliment: "and it looks like you didn't pay much money either." She ended up crying. I've been told by women that they dress more to impress other women anyway, and not guys. Basically, I need to stick to "you look great" and leave it there. And I should probably avoid saying I don't like something a girl is wearing. That can only lead to no good.

Friends/Family

We've all dated people with annoying friends. But, people consider their friends as extensions of themselves so if you criticize friends, you're criticizing your significant other indirectly. My older sister has a good system of putting the word "that" in front of any of her husband's friends that annoy her. "Oh you're going with that Mike to the concert?" It's not an aggressive attack, just a little poke. Family is the same rule, but you probably get in even more trouble if you criticize the family of a significant other.

Driving

Every guy thinks he's a better driver than his girlfriend. I can learn a lot from my little sister's boyfriend. One day, my sister was driving the two of us to Baltimore for a weekend. My sister is a really bad driver. She doesn't brake when she sees brake lights ahead until she absolutely has to. This leads to passenger whiplash and nausea. During this trip I said: "you know, you can brake earlier- that way you're not slamming on the brakes at the last minute and making us all sick." She said: "do I do that?" I turned around to her boyfriend for confirmation and he simply said: "no comment". My sister's boyfriend loves me because I am allowed to verbalize all the criticisms that he's thinking.

I like the "no comment" policy. But I can't stand not to give my opinion to women, even when it's bad. I want to learn the things I should hold off from criticizing about women. Do you agree with the items above? What do you hate being criticized about by guys?

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How could you?

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"-but then you'd relent, and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person"-still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so infrequent-and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. 　

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. 　

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her". They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers". You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed "No, Daddy. Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you-that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

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Modern manners: paying the bill

Just how do you behave in that awkward moment when the bill arrives at a group meal?

Together we've rifled through the cutlery drawer, extended the hand of respectful friendship to the waiter and decided once and for all that there's no place for flash photography in a temple of gastronomy, but�in typical British fashion�this series has, thus far, skirted awkwardly around the delicate subject of money.

However much we like to pretend otherwise as we relax into a well-cushioned seat and a glass of wine, at some point the fact becomes unavoidable: eating at a restaurant is a business transaction like any other. We've eaten and drunk our way through commodities that don't come for free, enjoyed (or endured) the service of a host of employees, both front of house and behind the scenes�yet for some reason we find the idea of paying for it all excruciating.

Every one of us, at some time or another, have found ourselves embroiled in a heated, yet determinedly "jovial" argument on the arrival of the bill�"No, no, NO � let ME!" we screech through fixed grins, as we claw at the offending scrap of paper. So what's the most gracious way to avoid a Mrs Doyle-style punch-up over a 75p cuppa?

If you're hosting the meal, and intend to pay for it, the situation is relatively simple�as our old friend Emily Post so sagely opined back in 1922, "For a host to count up the items is suggestive of parsimony, while not to look at them is disconcertingly reckless, and to pay before their faces for what his guests have eaten is embarrassing … Therefore, to avoid this whole transaction, people who have not charge accounts, should order the meal ahead, and at the same time pay for in advance, including the waiter's tip."

Although, in these days of allergies and picky eating, I wouldn't advise ordering ahead, a seemly modern solution is to slip off near the end of the meal as if to the loo, and settle up discreetly while you're away from the table, thus forestalling any protest.

But what if you're (oh dreadful phrase!) splitting the bill? In my experience, people who have hitherto appeared perfectly charming can become monsters on the presentation of the damage. "I only had one drink," they announce in an aggressive tone, eyeballing you in a fashion that leaves no doubt that they are well aware that you have not been so abstemious. And when the assorted notes are added up, and fall mysteriously short, it's never them who offer to help make up the extra, even though you suspect them of having been rather mean in their calculation of their share of the tip.

Unless I know that someone around the table is really hard up, and has chosen accordingly, I favour just splitting the bill equally�after all, everyone had the option of choosing whatever they wanted, and to nitpick about your risotto being cheaper than his steak can spoil the atmosphere remarkably swiftly. Non-drinkers, of course, should be automatically excused the cost of the claret.

If you are trying to save money (and let's face it, if you're going out to dinner, it's probably not a question of being on the poverty line, more that you'd prefer to spend your cash elsewhere), you can do it subtly.

Economists suggest that people are more likely to order extravagantly when they think others will be sharing the cost, so it would be sensible to explain early on (without fuss) that you're on a bit of a budget, so you're only going to have a main course, and then put down what you owe, plus a reasonable tip, as soon as the bill arrives, before anyone can mention splitting it. But unless you're in dire straits, don't be mean about it, and ask for the 50p change you're owed�leave it for the waiter.

What do you think � is splitting the bill friendly or ridiculous? Should we forswear this nonsense and simply pay for what we've ordered, or would we be missing out on an important element of sharing a meal? And, most of all, will anyone admit to taking advantage of their fellow diners when they know they'll all be sharing the cost?

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10 First-date mistakes

The best thing about bad dates is that we walk away with a great story, and little doubt that the perpetrator is not the person for us.

I was thinking about some of the common errors made on first dates. I came up with 10 common mistakes that could kill the chances for a second date:

Arriving late

Even five minutes of lateness is inexcusable on the first date. People are already anxious on these excursions, so making someone wait and think more about everything is pretty rude. Seems like the trend in NYC is to be late for things regularly. On one date, I texted the girl and told her I was running late. She said she was too. We ended up just having the date 1/2 hour later than planned and technically no one was late because we were both 1/2 hour late together.

Wardrobe malfunction

Make sure you cater what you wear to what you're doing. I try not to make a girl walk too much if she's in heels. Also, I've seen girls wear pearls and a nice blouse to trashy outdoor drinking events, or heels to sporting events.

Talking politics or religion

Staying away from debatable content is a good idea the first time out. It's fun to argue with your significant other, but I think it's important to reach a comfort level first. If you try to proselytize someone, or battle them over a hot topic like abortion, you may reach a point of no return.

Checking out other people

You'd think that no one would do this, but guys are always looking at waitresses, or other patrons when out. One of my friends got in hot water because his date told me he made cat calls at other girls while on a date. Talk about a mistake!

Bringing friends (Non group date)

If you bring friends along you look immature and insecure. You also throw the other person for a loop if they were expecting the date to be one-on-one. Make sure you establish that it is a one-on-one date, and follow the rules and show up alone.

Getting too drunk

Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you're sober, before you get wasted with them. Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it's fine. Just don't push it too far.

Being too aggressive

No one wants to deal with someone's wandering hands before they are ready. It is one of the best ways to creep someone out. Just because someone is getting dinner with someone once doesn't mean it's an invitation into the sack. It's best to be hands off on the first date.

Being too unaggressive

My friend Margaret warns me to be more aggressive all the time. She said that if I don't kiss someone at the end of a date, or make a move when they hop in my bed they will begin to think something's wrong with them, or that I'm not into them. Maybe that's true, but sometimes I am just being too safe so that I don't break the rule I just mentioned above.

Canceling at the last minute or standing someone up

Canceling for a legitimate reason is fine, but respect your date's time so that they can plan their night without you. Canceling one hour before a date is not cool ― most of the date prep has already started at this point. Standing someone up is so rude. What does it accomplish? If you change your mind, at least have the strength to just cancel. No need to make someone feel bad and waste their time just because you're too chicken to cancel the date.

Dominant speaker

Try to breathe in between sentences, and don't talk too much. Give your date a chance to talk. Aren't you trying to get to know one another? And don't speak for that other person (i.e. order for them at dinner) unless they invite you to help with their order.

Do you agree or disagree with any of these? Ever have these happen to you, or have you ever made these mistakes? Would you go on a second date after any of these mistakes? What would you add to this list?

 

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Getting to Now: How to Beat the Procrastination Habit

I am a procrastinator. I always have been. It's a character flaw, and I admit it. I've tried all sorts of things to beat the habit ― Getting Things Done, e-mail reminders, dozens of list systems ― but the only thing that seems to work is to: Do it now.

This is blindingly obvious, I know, but many people lose sight of this fundamental skill. It's not that we don't know that we should do things now; it's that we've forgotten how. Here are some techniques I've been using to try to force myself to get to now:

Set aside blocks of time to do things. When I was talking with my wellness coach earlier this year, she asked me why I didn't exercise more often. "I don't have the time," I said. "Something always comes up." She wasn't impressed. "J.D.," she said, "You have to make time. Make an appointment with yourself to run or to go for a bike ride." The same principle applies to other things you might procrastinate.

Kris and I used to schedule a block of time on Saturday morning specifically to clean the house. Each week we'd tackle a different room. If we didn't do this, I'd just put it off for weeks (or months). Pick an hour a day to get things done.

If it comes to mind, then do it. Often I'll be sitting on the back porch reading a book, and it will occur to me that some chore needs to be done ― pruning the laurel hedge, for example. "I need to write that down so I can remember it," I tell myself. Wrong! What usually happens is that I forget to write it down, and even if I do, I just look at the list and procrastinate for weeks on end. The best move is to actually do the chore when I think of it. (Assuming, of course, that I have the time at that moment. Which I usually do.)

Use a timer to bring you back to reality. Part of the reason I procrastinate is that I have a rich mental life. This is just a flowery way of saying that I'm a daydreamer. I'm always lost in thought. One way to keep on track is to use a timer. I use the Ultrak Jumbo Countdown Timer, but not as often as I should. I set it for 48 minutes. When it goes off, it serves as an instant reality check: Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

Do not multitask. Oh, how I love multitasking. "I'm great at doing many things at once," I told Kris once. She gave me one of those looks. "No, you're not," she said. "You're great at starting many things at once, but you never actually do any of them." Ouch! But she's right. In order for me to get something done, I need to focus my attention on it. Trying to do several things at once is a sure way to be sure they'll all be unfinished tomorrow. 

Modify your environment to eliminate distractions

.Distractions feed procrastination. How many of these have you told yourself: "I'll just check e-mail one more time before I start.","I'll go for a walk after I finish reading this magazine.","I can paint the house next weekend. I want to watch the Seahawks game today."

Whenever possible, eliminate distractions. Remove clutter and snack items from your workspace. When working on your computer, only keep the programs you need open. (Ha! I feel like a hypocrite for advising this ― I can't even make myself close my e-mail client for five minutes.) Keep your office tidy. Don't turn on the television unless there's something specific you intend to watch.

Compare your actions with your personal values. Last week I wrote that it doesn't matter what we say is important to us ― the things that are priorities in our lives are the things we actually do. How does what you do mesh with what you believe? If you say that getting out of debt is important to you, are you actually doing the things that will lead you to get out of debt? If one of your goals is to fit into your old Levi's, how is watching another episode of The Office going to help you achieve that? Go for a walk!

Take back your brain! I've mentioned this website before in the context of marketing. Its premise is simple: Instead of letting advertisers persuade you, use marketing techniques to advertise to yourself. While this is a great way to fight consumer culture, it's also a smart way to combat procrastination. Create some in-home (or in-office) advertising to remind you to stop putting things off, to encourage you to do it now.

Beating procrastination isn't rocket science, but it is psychology. For many of us, that's just as difficult. It's scary how well this Psychology Today article describes me. If only it gave some tips on how to move beyond this. Instead it offers one small slice of solace:

Procrastinators can change their behavior ― but doing so consumes a lot of psychic energy. And it doesn't necessarily mean one feels transformed internally. It can be done with highly structured cognitive behavioral therapy.

Can you tell I've been struggling with procrastination lately? This is something I'll continue to work on. If you have any tips or stories, I'd love to hear them. Meanwhile, it must be time to read The War of Art again. Maybe I'll do that next week…

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Some thoughts on building a successful marriage

From my perspective, once you enter into the realm of marriage, building and maintaining a successful marriage is actually a big part of personal and financial success. A solid marriage not only results in people sharing resources together, but a marriage also provides a lot of emotional support, cheerleading, and encouragement to succeed.

What follows are twelve little things I do quite regularly in my marriage. Please, use as many of these as seem reasonable.

I tell my wife I love her every single day. I usually do it in the morning before she leaves the bedroom, and on weekdays I'll also tell her when I see her in the evening for the first time. I usually couple it with a kiss. It's so simple, but it's a constant reminder of the fact that I do love her, no matter what.

I ask about her day, listen, and ask follow up questions. I do this not only so I can keep tabs on her professional life, but also to give her a great chance to vent about her situation. Everyone needs to talk about themselves sometimes to someone who is interested - I try to provide that for her as often as I can.

I try to surprise her on a regular basis. I'll spend an hour preparing a really excellent supper when she doesn't expect it. I'll spontaneously give the kids a bath when she's comfortable on the couch under a blanket, even if it's her turn. Doing these little unexpected things not only shows her I care, but also often compels her to do similar things for me.

I hold her hand. I do this all the time, whenever it crosses my mind and seems appropriate. I'll just hold her hand gently while we're talking or we're riding in the car or we're waiting for an appointment or we're sitting on the couch in the evenings.

I talk about EVERYTHING with her and let her determine what's interesting. If something is concerning me, I don't hide it from her. I tell her about it. Most of the time she's interested and we'll discuss it - sometimes she's not and I let it drop (this is key - if she's not into the topic, I don't push it). Either way, though, she gets the message that I'm making an effort to share and be open.

I work on building a positive relationship with her family. Whenever I visit or see anyone in her family, I make a special effort to try to establish or build upon a strong relationship with them. This accomplishes several things: it makes her more at ease in a family situation, it helps me to build stronger ties with people that are important to her, and it helps me to understand the influences that were around her as she grew up.

I send her messages during the day.

About once a week, during a time where my wife is really present in my thoughts, I send her a little simple note by email. All it says is something along the lines of "I was thinking about you just now. I can't wait until I see you this evening." It's just a very simple way of letting her know she's on my mind and in my heart.

I put careful thought into gifts I give her. Sure, it's easy to just run out and get a generic gift to cover yourself during an anniversary or a birthday. However, a gift with some real thought behind it means substantially more than an obviously off-the-cuff gift.

I encourage her to follow her passions and interests, even if they don't inspire or interest me. If my wife chooses to spend significant time on a project, it's obviously something that's important to her. That doesn't imply at all that it has to be important to me. If she's involved in her own project, I give her positive encouragement and then work on my own interests instead of saying things like "that seems like a waste of time."

If she needs me, I willingly contribute to those passions. If something genuinely excites her and she wants me to experience it, I willingly involve myself in whatever it may be: a particular type of art, a craft project, a yard project, whatever. Even if I don't enjoy it, I do have the opportunity to learn more about my wife and what she's passionate about, which means that my understanding of her grows.

I look for opportunities to build mutual friendships. The idea that there is a group of people that are "my" friends and another group that is "her" friends can be a big dividing factor between us. Instead, I often focus on building friendships and relationships that we share with others so that something of a community of friendship and love grows up around us.

I hold her every night, even if it's just for a moment. I might be completely exhausted when I go to bed in the evening, but I take a moment to move close to her, put my arm around her, and hold her close, even if it's just for a minute or so. That moment of physical contact to end the day is a simple sign of love.

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Cherish rest of your life

What would you do if you only had a short time to live?

It's hard, from within the storm of every day life, to see things with real perspective, to know what's important and what's simply pressing on our consciousness right now, demanding attention.

We have people emailing us for information and requesting action, we have phone calls and visitors and a long to-do list and a million chores and errands to run and all of the slings and arrows of our daily reality … and yet, what is important?

Ask yourself this: if you suddenly found out you only had 6 months to live (for whatever reason), would the thing in front of you matter to you?

Would those 20 emails waiting for a response matter? Would the paperwork waiting to be processed matter? Would the work you're doing matter? Would the meetings you're supposed to have matter? Would a big car and nice house and high-paying job and cool computer and mobile device and nice shoes and clothes matter?

I'm not saying they wouldn't matter … but it's important to ask yourself if they would.

What would matter to you?

For many of us, it's the loved ones in our lives. If we don't have loved ones … maybe it's time we started figuring out why, and addressing that. Maybe we haven't made time for others, for getting out and meeting others and helping others and being compassionate and passionate about others. Maybe we have shut ourselves in somehow. Or maybe we do have loved ones in our lives, but we don't seem to have the time we want to spend with them.

When was the last time you told your loved ones you loved them? Spent good quality time with them, being in the moment?

For many of us, doing work that matters … would matter. That might mean helping others, or making a vital contribution to society, or creating something brilliant and inspiring, or expressing ourselves somehow. It's not the money that matters, but the impact of the work. Are you doing work that matters?

For many of us, experiencing life would matter ― really being in the moment, finding passion in our lives, seeing the world and traveling, or just seeing the world that's around us right now, being with great people, doing amazing things, eating amazing food, playing.

These are just a few ideas … but what would matter to you?

I highly recommend that you spend at least a little time now, and regularly, thinking about this question … figuring out what really matters … and living a life that shows this.

How do you live a life that puts a great emphasis on what matters? Start by figuring out what matters, and what doesn't. Then eliminate as much as you can of the stuff that doesn't matter, or at least minimize it to the extent possible. Make room for what does matter.

Make the time for what does matter … today. Put it on your schedule, and don't miss that appointment. Make those tough decisions ― because choosing to live a life that is filled with the important stuff means making choices, and they're not always easy choices. But it matters.

Spend time with your significant other, show them how important they are. Take the time to cuddle with your child, to read with her, to play with her, to have good conversations with her, to take walks with her. Take time to be in nature, to appreciate the beauty of the world around us. Take time to savor the little pleasures in life.

Because while you might not have only 6 months to live, I'm here to break the news to you: you really do only have a short time to live. Whether that's 6 months, 6 years or 60 … it's but the blink of an eye.

The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now.

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Learn Real English

Learn English conversation first, because it is the key to the entire language. In other words, you must focus first on the spoken language and real conversation. Master English conversations before you worry too much about reading and writing.
By “real English conversation”, I mean English as it is actually spoken by average native speakers in their day to day lives. By this definition, CNN and the BBC are not “real English conversation”. In fact, an announcer reading a teleprompter isn’t conversation at all!

There is nothing wrong with CNN or the BBC, but that style of English is not the style that is used in homes, in offices, and on the street every day. Announcers, for example, are very careful to speak in complete sentences, to avoid most slang, to speak very clearly, and to avoid using filler words.

Real people constantly speak in sentence fragments, constantly interrupt each other, constantly use idioms and slang, constantly smash words together into strange contractions, constantly speak quickly and constantly use filler words! That’s why so many students have trouble when they visit the USA, Canada, the UK, etc… The English they hear on the street is nothing like the English they learned in school and nothing like the English they heard on the news shows!

Think about it this way: casual conversation is the FIRST kind of English that small children learn. Children first learn to chat with their family and friends. They become totally fluent at real conversation before they learn to speak formally and before they focus on reading or learn writing.

Follow this same natural approach. First, completely master everyday casual speech. After you can speak fluently in real conversations, then and only then focus intensively on reading. Read, read, and read some more.. But read easy novels… NOT textbooks!

After you have completely mastered easy English novels, and can easily finish a Stephen King novel in a week or two,.. then you can learn formal speech. Formal speech is the kind of speech you might use for a business presentation– the kind of English you hear on CNN or the BBC.

And finally, and last of all, focus on writing. The truth is, you will acquire strong writing skills simply by reading a lot of novels. At this point, after mastering reading and formal speech, you will already be able to write well. So all you need to do is learn formal or artistic writing (depending on your goals). Take a writing class for NATIVE SPEAKERS and learn the fine points of writing powerfully and skillfully.

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10 habits of highly successful women

These 10 habits of highly successful women range from maintaining your hormonal balance to letting go of the past -- and they will positively affect your mind, body, and soul.

First, check out this quotation from writer Anais Nin:

"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living."

Taking action is a crucial habit of successful women…and so is dreaming! Don't let go of your passions...

1. Maintain your hormonal balance. Are you moody, exhausted, irritable, or sad? Check your hormones. If they're out of whack, then you'll struggle to be successful! Make sure you're getting enough protein and vitamins, and decrease your refined sugars and carbohydrates.

2. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Highly successful women don't obsess or feel guilty about past choices or failures. They make mistakes, move on, and apply what they've learned to new situations.

3. Connect with who you are. Being a daughter, wife, or mother is one aspect of your life. It doesn't define who you are as a woman. To connect with who you are, find and express your authentic self. The more authentic you are, the more appealing you'll be to others � and to yourself!

4. Avoid energy vampires. Do you feel drained or sad after spending time with a particular friend, coworker, or relative? Limit the time you spend with him or her. Note how you feel after visiting with a certain person; if you feel energized and happy, then you're in good company. Highly successful women choose their companions wisely.

5. Speak kindly to yourself! If you beat yourself up for being overweight, a "bad" mom, or not exercising enough, you just create a downward spiral. Highly successful women remind themselves of their achievements and successes. They refuse to tell themselves negative things; they accept themselves.

6. Listen to your body. I heard Oprah Winfrey say this about 10 years ago: listen to what your body is telling you. Are you emotionally hungry or physically hungry? Feed yourself properly. Are you sad, furious, or depressed? Follow your body's cues.

7. Volunteer your time. Find something that takes you out of your comfort zone or that you love to do. You'll feel great that you're helping others out � and volunteering directly improves your physical health. Highly successful women step out of their comfort zones and takes risks.

8. Let go of perfectionism. Strive to do your best, but let go of perfectionist tendencies. Accepting that you're doing the best you can is a habit of highly successful women. Letting go of perfectionism is vitamins and exercise for the soul!

9. Use your core strengths. Are you a natural mathematician, writer, or party planner? Discover your core strengths by trying different things until you find what fits. To take risks and try new things, take short-term volunteer positions or volunteer for new projects at work or in your community.

10. Take time for yourself. This habit for highly successful women is my favorite: take time to recharge your batteries and refuel your emotional, spiritual, and physical energy. Spend at least a few minutes alone each day � even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom to do it!

Have a missed a habit of highly successful women � or do you have any comments on any of the above? I welcome your thoughts below!

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学好英语的20条钻石法则

简单实用的方法就是最好的方法，遵守下列守则，相信你的英语一定能有一个质的飞跃！

 

钻石法则一：发音永远是第一位的！

 

成千上万的人学了十年英语还不能说标准的英语，发音仍然带有"超级浓重的中国口音"，导致和外国人交流的时候，听说都成了严重的问题。

 

还有一大批人，因为发音没有过关，导致经常被人笑话，从而失去了学英语的信心和兴趣。因为发音没有过关，导致单词死活背不下来！因为发音没有过关，无法朗读和背诵课文，导致无法真正掌握语法，无法真正形成语感！

 

总而言之，发音是英语大厦的基石，要不惜一切代价，彻底掌握纯正英语发音！凡是参加过十天"李阳疯狂英语魔鬼训练营"的学生，基本都能拥有一口漂亮的、令人尊敬的发音！ Pronunciation is the foundation of your English kingdom.

 

钻石法则二：英语真的很简单！

 

英语长得和汉语拼音完全一样，发音也和拼音类似，语法结构也和汉语类似。世界上再也没有两个"如此相似"的语言了！

 

英语是汉语下的蛋！中国人一定能"快速"征服英语！

 

只要克服羞怯，大胆开口，疯狂操练，任何人都能讲一口流利的英语。

 

钻石法则三：带着使命感学英语！

 

绝大多数人学英语是为了应付考试，根本没有目标和动力，结果十多年的宝贵时光被白白浪费了。

 

一定要带着"伟大的使命感"学英语！这个使命就是：学好英语，振兴中华！学好英语，和世界自由沟通！学好英语，走遍世界！

 

当然，学好英语，自己变得自信、父母充满自豪，这就是一个幸福、和谐的世界。

 

Learn English with a burning sense of mission.

 

钻石法则四：英语是永远学不出来的！

 

全国有上亿的人每天都在刻苦学习英语，但他们的方法错了！他们每天研究英语，每天做大量的选择题，结果学出来都是"聋哑英语"，"应试英语"！正确的没有记住，错误的反而记住了，因为四个选项中，有三个是错误答案！我们75%的时间都在复习错误的答案！

 

赶紧"用嘴巴"去学习英语吧！英语是用嘴巴练出来的！

 

学了多久不管用，练了多久才管用！Practicing English with your mouth is the only way to really master English.

 

钻石法则五：说得越难听，越要坚持说！

 

学习做任何一件事情都要经历"从"不会"到"会"，从"笨手笨脚"到"炉火纯青"！所以，如果你的英语讲得不好，一定要坚持讲！如果有很多人给你泼冷水，一定要坚持讲！

 

It is impossible to defeat a person who never gives up! 要打败一个永不放弃的人是不可能的！

 

钻石法则六：学习英语是伟大的体力劳动！

 

任何技能的训练都是体力劳动！弹钢琴：练书法：打篮球：学游泳，这些都是伟大的体力劳动，我们和农民：工人在做着同样的工作！

 

每天把嘴巴：喉咙"练痛"才是真正有效的英语学习！

 

Always remember: Learning English is actually physical work.

 

钻石法则七：最伟大：最先进的语言教学法在中国！

 

不要到国外去寻找语言学习的方法，中华民族的祖先总结出了最优秀：最有效的语言学习法！那就是：书读百遍，其义自见。读书破万卷，下笔如有神！拳不离手，曲不离口！

 

中国人用最精练的语言总结出了人类语言学习的规律！

 

钻石法则八：考试题是最好的口语练习材料！

 

考试题是最好的、最地道的、最优秀的英语学习材料！中国人太浪费考试题了！这些考试题都是众多专家们精心挑选出来的，而大家选了一遍答案就扔掉，实在太可惜了！

 

把考试题脱口而出，你将一举两得（Kill two birds with one stone.）：既讲了一口流利的英语，又以高分通过考试！

 

钻石法则九：句子中心论

 

句子中包含单词，句子中包含语法，句子传达能量，句子实现交流！疯狂收集句子，疯狂操练句子，成为句子大王！

 

决定你英语水平的不是单词量，而是句子量！

 

The amount of sentences you can blurt out determines your English level.

 

钻石法则十：自由交流的秘诀是背诵小短文

 

学习语言的高级目标是：大段、大段地流利讲英语！要实现这个目标只有一个方法：疯狂背诵小短文。正如中国古人所说：只有成章入口，才能出口成章！

 

每天熟读、背诵一篇小短文，你就能快速成为英语大师！

 

钻石法则十一：零碎时间最适合学英语！

 

学习任何技能都需要反复、定期地操练，只靠一个星期一次，或一次几个小时是根本学不好的！刺激的频率越高越好！一、两分钟的零碎时间都能培养语感！

 

随身携带英语书吧！一年的零碎时间就可以征服英语！就可以讲一口流利的英语！

 

拳不离手、曲不离口！中国人最懂得如何利用零碎时间！

 

钻石法则十二：录音是最好的老师！

 

最好的老师不是人，而是录音！反复听录音，并跟着录音疯狂模仿，刻苦操练，这就是世界上最有效的语言学习方法！我们从小就是通过听来获得母语能力的！

 

录音是全世界最简单、最有效、最便宜、最敬业、最伟大的老师！

 

听烂一盒录音带，就可以建立像母语那样的语感！听烂就是要听一百遍，甚至一千遍！

 

钻石法则十三：先选定并彻底学透一套教材！

 

世界上的英语教材成千上万，但必须选定一套教材，彻底学透它！彻底理解每一个单词、句子，彻底背诵每一个对话、文章！把一本书摸烂、读透，最好能做到倒背如流！

 

学透了一套教材之后，再去大量地阅读，你的英语就学成了！

 

钻石法则十四：一分耕耘：一分收获！

 

英语学习是非常公平的！多练习一分钟，功力就比别人强一点！如果你每天都坚持操练，你的英语一定能成功！

 

记住：无论科技多么先进，世界冠军都是在血汗中诞生的！

 

钻石法则十五：脱口而出是硬道理！

 

听懂是骗人的，看懂是不够的，说出来才是自己的！ 衡量是否学好了英语的唯一标准是"脱口而出"！

 

记住：第一句不脱口而出，坚决不学第二句！

 

Blurting out is the only true measure of English mastery.

 

钻石法则十六：中英文互译是英语学习的最高境界！

 

学习英语的最高境界就是：中英文自由互译！这是全世界最难、报酬最高的领域之一，这也是中国对外交往当中最需要的能力！

 

从现在开始，认真翻译每一个句子，并中英文"同时大声朗读"！很快，你会发现你也具有这个非凡的能力！

 

Automatic two-way translation is the ultimate English learning goal.

 

钻石法则十七：记忆力是锻炼出来的！

 

朗读、背诵的次数越多，记忆力就越好！永远不要怀疑和低估自己的记忆力！

 

记忆力不是天生的，是后天练习出来的！

 

Memory can be built up and trained like muscle.

 

钻石法则十八：热爱比毅力更重要！

 

疯狂地热爱英语吧，它一定不会让你失望！一口流利的英语会让你赢得这个世界，会让你受人尊重，会让你充满成就感！

 

热爱是最强大的动力！热爱比毅力更重要！

 

If you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life!

 

钻石法则十九：天才就是重复次数最多的人！

 

任何一个领域最成功的人都具有一个共同的特点：比别人更努力一点，更付出一点！世界冠军都是每天比别人操练的时间和次数更多的人！

 

他们把自律、刻苦、勤奋变成了自己的习惯！

 

亲爱的朋友，你就是天才！你就是那个百年一遇的伟大天才！从今天开始，让自己每天"重复的次数"超过别人吧！

 

钻石法则二十：英语必须集中训练一次！

 

"三天打鱼，两天晒网"、"老牛拉破车"是永远学不好英语的！你一生一定要彻底疯狂一次，彻底投入一次！欢迎大家来"疯狂英语魔鬼训练营"体验一下什么是真正的疯狂！

 

一天十二个小时，背完才能吃饭，背完才能睡觉，睡梦中都说英语，这才是真正的疯狂！一次疯狂带来巨大的成就感，带来终身的好习惯！

 

李阳疯狂英语的学习方法绝对不仅仅适用于学习英语，它还适合用来学习任何一种语言！李阳疯狂英语发现了人类语言学习的终极秘密！

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Renew your life!Change Up the Routine

Abraham Joshua Heschel was one of the leading American Rabbis, theologians, and social activists of the 20th century. He said something that I'll never forget and that has stayed with me since the moment I heard it. In his book God in Search of Man, he wrote, "Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder."

There's a true story of a man I have worked with who has spent his entire life believing that his ears were not symmetrical and therefore sunglasses always looked crooked on his face. He came to accept this over time, until he came in touch with mindfulness practice.

One day as he was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom he chose to take a moment to come down from his busy mind, become present, and really look at himself. What he noticed was astonishing.

He suddenly realized that he had not been standing straight and that one shoulder was slightly lower than the other. In that moment, he chose to stand up straight and low and behold his eyeglasses were no longer crooked on his face. All this time he thought his face was lopsided in some way when in effect, it was his posture.

This story is just a metaphor for the rest of us in our lives. Over time, what do we just get used to and learn to accept that keeps us limited in how we see things? What in our lives has become routine to a point that we have lost our sense of wonder in this world?

When dealing with a myriad of mental health conditions (e.g., stress, anxiety, depression, or addiction), we get stuck in routine ways of reacting to things. A challenge may arise and the automatic reaction is "who cares, I'll never succeed anyway." As we become accustomed to this, it can be likened to unknowingly walking around with crooked posture. Once we become aware of it, we can begin the process of straightening ourselves out.

It's a worthy question to explore: What do you notice in your life that's routine?

Do you watch TV every night? Do you take the same route to work every day? If you are in a relationship, do you sleep on the same side of the bed night after night or does only one of you cook the meals or clean? Do you often shoot down new ideas? Do you react to stress or pain with routine avoidance? Is this routine taking away the wonder in everyday life?"

To do: Pick one thing from your "routine list" and choose to begin becoming aware of it and switching it up.

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