Look what you find along the way

If you have ever been discouraged because of failure, please read on.

 

For often, achieving what you set out to do is not the important thing. Let me explain.

 

Two brothers decided to dig a deep hole behind their house. As they were working, a couple of older boys stopped by to watch.

 

"What are you doing?" asked one of the visitors.

 

"We plan to dig a hole all the way through the earth!" one of the brothers volunteered excitedly.

 

The older boys began to laugh, telling the younger ones that digging a hole all the way through the earth was impossible.

 

After a long silence, one of the diggers picked up a jar full of spiders, worms and a wide assortment of insects. He removed the lid and showed the wonderful contents to the scoffing visitors.

 

Then he said quietly and confidently, "Even if we don't dig all the way through the earth, look what we found along the way!"

 

Their goal was far too ambitious, but it did cause them to dig. And that is what a goal is for-to cause us to move in the direction we have chosen; in other words, to set us to digging!

 

But not every goal will be fully achieved. Not every job will end successfully. Not every relationship will endure. Not every hope will come to pass. Not every love will last. Not every endeavor will be completed. Not every dream will be realized.

 

But when you fall short of your aim, perhaps you can say, "Yes, but look at what I found along the way! Look at the wonderful things which have come into my life because I tried to do something!"

 

It is in the digging that life is lived. And I believe it is joy in the journey, in the end, that truly matters.

 

 

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The date can't be changed

不能改天的约会

 

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. I started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea.

"I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested. "I know, but you also love her."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked.

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on.

She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. At that moment I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time".

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Love and a broken arm

"But what if I break my arm again?" My five year-old daughter asked, her lower lip trembling. I knelt holding onto her bike and looked her right in the eyes. I knew how much she wanted to learn to ride. How often she felt left out when her friends pedaled by our house. Yet ever since she'd fallen off her bike and broken her arm, she'd been afraid.

"Oh honey," I said. "I don't think you'll break another arm."

"But I could, couldn't I?" "

"Yes," I admitted, and found myself struggling for the right thing to say. At times like this, I wished I had a partner to turn to. Someone who might help find the right words to make my little girl's problems disappear. But after a disastrous marriage and a painful divorce, I'd welcomed the hardships of being a single parent and had been adamant in telling anyone who tried to fix me up that I was terminally single.

"I don't think I want to ride," she said and got off her bike.

We walked away and sat down beside a tree.

"Don't you want to ride with your friends?" I asked.

"And I thought you were hoping to start riding your bike to school next year," I added.

"I was," she said, her voice almost a quiver.

"You know, hon," I said. "Most everything you do comes with risks. You could get a broken arm in a car wreck and then be afraid to ever ride in a car again. You could break your arm jumping rope. You could break your arm at gymnastics. Do you want to stop going to gymnastics?"

"No," she said. And with a determined spirit, she stood up and agreed to try again. I held on to the back of her bike until she found the courage to say, "Let's go!"

I spent the rest of the afternoon at the park watching a very brave little girl overcome a fear, and congratulating myself for being a self-sufficient single parent.

As we walked home, pushing the bike as we made our way along the sidewalk, she asked me about a conversation she'd overheard me having with my mother the night before.

"Why were you and grandma arguing last night?"

My mother was one of the many people who constantly tried to fix me up. How many times had I told her "no" to meeting the Mr. Perfect she picked out for me. She just knew Steve was the man for me.

"It's nothing," I told her.

She shrugged. "Grandma said she just wanted you to find someone to love."
　　
"What grandma wants is for some guy to break my heart again," I snapped, angry that my mother had said anything about this to my daughter.

"But Mom."

"You're too young to understand," I told her.

She was quiet for the next few minutes. Then she looked up and in a small voice gave me something to think about.

"So I guess love isn't like a broken arm."

Unable to answer, we walked the rest of the way in silence. When I got home, I called my mother and scolded her for talking about this to my daughter. Then I did what I'd seen my brave little girl do that very afternoon. I let go and agreed to meet Steve.

Steve was the man for me. We married less than a year later. It turned out mother and my daughter were right.

 

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The legend of rose

People have been passionate about roses since the beginning of time. In fact, it is said that the floors of Cleopatra's palace were carpeted with delicate rose petals, and that the wise and knowing Confucius had a 600-book library specifically on how to care for roses.

The rose is a legend on its own. The story goes that during the Roman Empire, there was an incredibly beautiful maiden named Rhodanthe. Her beauty drew many zealous suitors who pursued her relentlessly.

Exhausted by their pursuit, Rhodanthe was forced to take refuge from her suitors in the temple of her friend Diana. Unfortunately, Diana became jealous. And when the suitors broke down her temple gates to get near their beloved Rhodanthe, she became angry turning Rhodanthe into a rose and her suitors into thorns.

In Greek legend, the rose was created by Chloris, the Greek goddess of flowers. It was just a lifeless seed of a nymph that Chloris found one day in a clearing in the woods. She asked the help of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, who gave her beauty Dionysus, the god of wine, added nectar to give her a sweet scent, and the three Graces gave her charm, brightness and joy.

Then Zephyr, the West Wind, blew away the clouds so that Apollo, the sun god, could shine and made this flower bloom. And so the Rose was born and was immediately crowned the Queen of Flowers.

The first true primary red rose seen in Europe was "Slater's Crimson China" introduced in 1792 from China, where it had been growing wild in the mountains. Immediately, rose breeders began using it to hybridize red roses for cultivation.

Ever since, the quest for the perfect red rose has been the Holy Grail6 of rosarians: a fragrant, disease-resistant, long-lasting, long-stemmed, reblooming, perfectly formed rose with a clear non-fading vivid red color. Absolute perfection still hasn't been attained, and of course never will!

There is a special rose language invented as a secret means of communication between lovers who were not allowed to express their love for one another openly. In the mid 18th century the wife of the British ambassador in Constantinople described this in her letters, which were published after her death.

These letters inspired many books on the language of flowers, each describing the secret message hidden in each flower. A red rose bud stands for budding desire� an open white rose asks "Will you love me?" An open red rose means "I'm full of love and desire," while an open yellow rose asks "Don't you love me any more?"

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You'll always be there for me!

In 1989 an 8.2 earthquake almost flattened America, killing over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of utter devastation and chaos, a father left his wife safely at home and rushed to the school where his son was supposed to be, only to discover that the building was as flat as a pancake.

After the unforgettably initial shock, he remembered the promise he had made to his son: "No matter what, I'll always be there for you!" And tears began to fill his eyes. As he looked at the pile of ruins that once was the school, it looked hopeless, but he kept remembering his commitment to his son.

He began to direct his attention towards where he walked his son to class at school each morning. Remembering his son's classroom would be in the back right corner of the building, he rushed there and started digging through the ruins.

As he was digging, other helpless parents arrived, clutching their hearts, saying: "My son!" "My daughter!" Other well-meaning parents tried to pull him off what was left of the school, saying: "It's too late! They're all dead! You can't help! Go home! Come on, face reality, there's nothing you can do!"

To each parent he responded with one line: "Are you going to help me now?" And then he continued to dig for his son, stone by stone. The fire chief showed up and tried to pull him off the school's ruins saying, "Fires are breaking out, explosions are happening everywhere. You're in danger. We'll take care of it. Go home." To which this loving, caring American father asked, "Are you going to help me now?"

The police came and said, "You're angry, anxious and it's over. You're endangering others. Go home. We'll handle it!" To which he replied, "Are you going to help me now?" No one helped.

Courageously he went on alone because he needed to know for himself: "Is my boy alive or is he dead?" He dug for eight hours...12 hours...24 hours...36 hours...then, in the 38th hour, he pulled back a large stone and heard his son's voice. He screamed his son's name, "ARMAND!"

He heard back, "Dad!?! It's me, Dad! I told the other kids not to worry. I told them that if you were alive, you'd save me and when you saved me, they'd be saved. You promised, No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you! You did it, Dad!" "What's going on in there? How is it?" the father asked.

"There are 14 of us left out of 33, Dad. We're scared, hungry, thirsty and thankful you're here. When the building collapsed, it made a triangle, and it saved us."

"Come out, boy!"

"No, Dad! Let the other kids out first, cause I know you'll get me! No matter what happens, I know you'll always be there for me!"

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情人节请听我的爱情感言

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

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Tears of woman

有句话说：女人是水做的。是的，眼泪似乎是女人的专利。无论是伤心的泪，委屈的泪还是激动的泪，女人的眼泪是不受责备的。也许你不明白为什么女人天生爱流泪，那么请听上帝的解释……
A little boy asked his mother "why are you crying?"

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mum just hugged him and said, "and you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to god; and when god got on the phone, he asked, "god, why do women cry so easily?"

God said: "when I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort."

"I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children."

"I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. "

"I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly."

"I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart."

"I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly."

"And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see: the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair."

"The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart and the place where love resides."

 

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Best time in life

The ups and downs of life may seem to have no predictable plan. But scientists know there are very definite patterns that almost all people share. Even if you've passed some of your "prime", you still have other prime years to experience in the future. Certain important primes seem to peak later in life.

When are you smartest? From 18-25, according to I.Q. scores; but you're wiser and more experienced with increasing age.

You're sharpest in your 20's; around 30, memory begins to decline, particularly your ability to perform mathematical computations. But your I.Q. for other tasks climbs. Your vocabulary at age 45, for example, is three times as great as when you graduated from college. At 60, your brain possesses almost four times as much information as it did at age 21.

This trade-off between sharpness and wisdom has led psychologists to suggest that "maturity quotients"(M.Q.) be adopted for adults.

When are you happiest? You have the best physical sense of yourself from 15 to 24; the best professional sense from 40 to 49.

Before age 24, we believe that our happiest years are yet to come; over 30,we believe that they're behind us. A National Health Survey agrees: After age 30, we "become more realistic and do not view happiness as a goal in itself. If we maintain our health, achieve professional and emotional goals, then happiness, we feel, will follow".

When are you most creative? Generally between 30 and 39, but the peak varies with different professions.

Mozart wrote a symphony and four sonatas by age eight, and Mendelssohn composed his best known work A Midsummer Night's Dream, at 17, but most of the great music was written by men between 33 and 39.

Though the peak in most fields comes early-most Nobel prizewinners did their top research in their late 20's and 30's-creative people continue to produce quality work throughout their lives. For the "well-conditioned mind", there is no upper limit.

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Happiness equates with fun?

I live in Hollywood. You may think people in such a glamorous, fun-filled place are happier than others. If so, you have some mistaken ideas about the nature of happiness.

Many intelligent people still equate happiness with fun. The truth is that fun and happiness have little or nothing in common. Fun is what we experience during an act. Happiness is what we experience after an act. It is a deeper, more abiding emotion.

Going to an amusement park or ball game, watching a movie or television, are fun activities that help us relax, temporarily forget our problems and maybe even laugh. But they do not bring happiness, because their positive effects end when the fun ends.

I have often thought that if Hollywood stars have a role to play, it is to teach us that happiness has nothing to do with fun. These rich, beautiful individuals have constant access to glamorous parties, fancy cars, expensive homes, everything that spells "happiness".

But in memoir after memoir, celebrities reveal the unhappiness hidden beneath all their fun: depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, broken marriages, troubled children, profound loneliness.

The way people cling to the belief that a fun-filled, pain-free life equates happiness actually diminishes their chances of ever attaining real happiness. If fun and pleasure are equated with happiness, then pain must be equated with unhappiness. But, in fact, the opposite is true: More times than not, things that lead to happiness involve some pain.

As a result, many people avoid the very endeavors that are the source of true happiness. They fear the pain inevitably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional achievement, religious commitment, civic or charitable work, and self-improvement.

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Later at night, do you turn off your cell phone?

I usually do not turn off my cell phone. Why? I have no idea. After reading an article, I seemed to understand a little bit: for that little bit of caring. I am now sharing this story with you.

The girl would turn her cell phone off and put it by her photo on the desk every night before going to bed. This habit has been with her ever since she bought the phone.
　
The girl had a very close boyfriend. When they couldn't meet, they would either call or send messages to each other. They both liked this type of communication.
　
One night, the boy really missed the girl. When he called her however, the girl's cell phone was off because she was already asleep. The next day, the boy asked the girl to leave her cell phone on at night because when he needed to find her and if could not, he would be worried.

From that day forth, the girl began a new habit. Her cell phone never shuts down at night. Because she was afraid that she might not be able to hear the phone ring in her sleep, she tried to stay very alert. As days passed, she became thinner and thinner. Slowly, a gap began to form between them.
　
The girl wanted to revive their relationship. One night, she called the boy. However what she got was a sweet female voice: "Sorry, the subscriber you dailed is power off."
　
The girl knew that her love has just been turned off.
　
After a long time, the girl has a new love. No matter how well they got along, the girl however refused to get married. In the girl's heart, she always remembered that boy's words and the night when that phone was power off.

The girl still keeps the habit of leaving her cell phone on all throughout the night, but not expecting that it'll ring.
　
One night, the girl fell ill. In moment of fluster, instead of calling her parents, she dialed the new boy's cell phone. The boy was already asleep but his cell phone was still on.
　
Later, the girl asked the boy: "Why don't you turn your cell phone off at night?"

The boy answered: "I'm afraid that if you need anything at night and aren't able to find me, you'll worry."
　
The girl finally married the boy.

Later at night, do you turn off your cell phone?

 

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The rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and
lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can
sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig!

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Touched by Love

I knew I had been touched
by love...
the first time I saw you
and I felt your warmth
and heard your laughter.


I knew I had been touched
by love...
when I was hurting from
something that happened,
and you came alone
and made the hurt go away.

I knew I had been touched
by love...
when I quit making plans
with my friends
and started dreaming dreams
with you.

I knew I had been touched
by love...
when I stopped thinking in
terms of "me"
and started thinking in
terms of "we".


I knew I had been touched
by love...
when suddenly I couldn't make
decisions by myself anymore,
and I had this strong desire
to share everything with you.

I knew I had been touched
by love...
the first time we spent
alone together
and I knew I wanted to stay
with you forever...
because I had never felt
this touched by love.

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Every mountain has a peak

What is the secret ingredient of tough people that enables them to succeed? Why do they survive the tough times when others are overcome by them? Why do they win when others lose? Why do they soar when others sink?

The answer is very simple. It's all in how they perceive their problems. Yes, every living person has problems. A problem-free life is an illusion-a mirage in the desert. Accept that fact.

Every mountain has a peak. Every valley has its low point. Life has its ups and downs, its peaks and its valleys. No one is up all the time, nor are they down all the time. Problems do end. They are all resolved in time.

You may not be able to control the times, but you can compose your response. You can turn your pain into profanity -or into poetry. The choice is up to you. You may not have chosen your tough time, but you can choose how you will react to it.

For instance, what is the positive reaction to a terrible financial setback? In this situation would it be the positive reaction to copout and runaway? Escape through alcohol, drug, or suicide? No! Such negative reactions only produce greater problems by promising a temporary solution to the pressing problem.

The positive solution to a problem may require courage to initiate it. When you control your reaction to the seemingly uncontrollable problem of life, then in fact you do control the problem's effect on you. Your reaction to the problem is the last word! That's the bottom line. What will you let this problem do to you? It can make you tender or tough. It can make you better or bitter. It all depends on you.

In the final analysis, the tough people who survive the tough times do so because they've chosen to react positively to their predicament. Tough times never last, but tough people do. Tough people stick it out. History teaches us that every problem has a lifespan.

No problem is permanent. Storms always give way to the sun. Winter always thaws into springtime. Your storm will pass. Your winter will thaw. Your problem will be solved.

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World of Smiles

About ten years ago when I was an undergraduate in college, I was working as an intern at my University's Museum of Natural History. One day while working at the cash register in the gift shop, I saw an elderly couple come in with a little girl in a wheelchair.

As I looked closer at this girl, I saw that she was kind of perched on her chair. I then realized she had no arms or legs, just a head, neck and torso. She was wearing a little white dress with red polka dots.

As the couple wheeled her up to me I was looking down at the register. I turned my head toward the girl and gave her a wink. As I took the money from her grandparents, I looked back at the girl, who was giving me the cutest, largest smile I have ever seen.

All of a sudden her handicap was gone and all I saw was this beautiful girl, whose smile just melted me and almost instantly gave me a completely new sense of what life is all about. She took me from a poor, unhappy college student and brought me into her world; a world of smiles, love and warmth.

That was ten years ago. I'm a successful business person now and whenever I get down and think about the troubles of the world, I think about that little girl and the remarkable lesson about life that she taught me.

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Love Like Morning Sun

Love Like Morning Sun

So often, when I'm alone with my thoughts,
I feel your presence enter me
like the morning sun's early light,
filling my memories and dreams of us
with a warm and clear radiance.

You have become my love, my life,
and together we have shaped our world
until it seems now as natural as breathing.

But I remember when it wasn't always so -
times when peace and happiness seemed more
like intruders in my life than
the familiar companions they are today;
times when we struggled to know each other,
but always smoothing out those rough spots
until we came to share ourselves completely.

We can never rid our lives entirely
of sadness and difficult times
but we
can understand them together, and grow
stronger as individuals and as a loving couple.

If I don't tell you as often as I'd like,
it's because I could never tell you enough -
that I'm grateful for you
sharing your life with mine,
and that my love for you will live forever.

by Edmund O'Neil

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Everything happens for the best

"Everything happens for the best," my mother said whenever I faced disappointment. "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. And you'll realize that it wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment. "

Mother was right, as I discovered after graduating from college in 1932, I had decided to try for a job in radio, then work my way up to sports announcer. I hitchhiked to Chicago and knocked on the door of every station--and got turned down every time.

In one studio, a kind lady told me that big stations couldn't risk hiring an inexperienced person. "Go out in the sticks and find a small station that'll give you a chance, " she said. I thumbed home to Dixon, Illinois.

While there were no radio－announcing jobs in Dixon, my father said Montgomery Ward had opened a store and wanted a local athlete to manage its sports department. Since Dixon was where I had played high school football, I applied. The job sounded just right for me.

But I wasn't hired. My disappointment must have shown. "Everything happens for the best. " Mom reminded me. Dad offered me the car to hunt job. I tried WOC Radio in Davenport, Iowa. The program director, a wonderful Scotsman named Peter MacArthur told me they had already hired an announcer.

As I left his office, my frustration boiled over. I asked aloud, "How can a fellow get to be a sports announcer if he can't get a job in a radio station." I was waiting for the elevator when I heard MacArthur calling, "What was you said about sports?

Do you know anything about football?" Then he stood me before a microphone and asked me broadcast an imaginary game. The preceding autumn, my team had won a game in the last 20 seconds with a 65－yard run. I did a 15－minute build－up to that play, and Peter told me I would be broadcasting Saturday's game!

On my way home, as I have many times since, I thought of my mother's words: "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. Something wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment. "

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The most beautiful heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered, and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a flaw in it.

Suddenly, an old man appeared and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right, and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The young man laughed. "Comparing your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours looks perfect but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart that fits into the empty place in my heart.

But because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.

"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his or her heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for those people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.

The old man placed it in his heart, then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

They embraced and walked away side by side.

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The key of a happiness

We've always been told it's true, but now experts have proved that money really can't buy you happiness.

They quizzed jackpot winners and came up with 10 tips to keep you feeling on top of the world.

And the results were surprising. No flash cars of expensive jewellery. Instead it was the simple pleasures, available to almost anybody, that bring the most enjoyment.

Top of the list is spending time with your family.

But jackpot winners' advice is: "Don't give up work. Having a regular routine and social interaction are essential. Keeping up friendships is important too, as is a stable marriage.

Buying your own home, preferably in the North where people are friendlier, is a good idea. But don't get into debt.

No matter how much money you have, living within your means is vital if you want to avoid stress."

Dr Richard Tunney, of Nottingham University said: "The old saying 'money can't buy you happiness' may not be true, but traditional family values, a comfortable home and financial security are clearly key elements to a happy life."

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Marriage,love and freedom

You are asking, "Is it possible to be married and to be free?"

 

If you take marriage non-seriously, then you can be free. If you take it seriously, then freedom is impossible. Take marriage just as a game -- it is a game. Have a little sense of humor, that it is a role you are playing on the stage of life; but it is not something that belongs to existence or has any reality -- it is a fiction.

 

But people are so stupid that they even start taking fiction for reality. I have seen people reading fiction with tears in their eyes, because in the fiction things are going so tragically. It is a very good device in the movies that they put the lights off, so everybody can enjoy the movie, laugh, cry, be sad, be happy.

 

If there was light it would be a little difficult -- what will others think? And they know perfectly well that the screen is empty -- there is nobody; it is just a projected picture. But they forget it completely.

 

And the same has happened with our lives. Many things which are simply to be taken humorously, we take so seriously -- and from that seriousness begins our problem.

 

In the first place, why should you get married? You love someone, live with someone -- it is part of your basic rights. You can live with someone, you can love someone.

 

Marriage is not something that happens in heaven, it happens here, through the crafty priests. But if you want to join the game with society and don't want to stand alone and aloof, you make it clear to your wife or to your husband that this marriage is just a game:

 

"Never take it seriously. I will remain as independent as I was before marriage, and you will remain as independent as you were before marriage. Neither I am going to interfere in your life, nor are you going to interfere in my life; we will live as two friends together, sharing our joys, sharing our freedom -- but not becoming a burden on each other.

 

And any moment we feel that the spring has passed, the honeymoon is over, we will be sincere enough not to go on pretending, but to say to each other that we loved much -- and we will remain grateful to each other forever, and the days of love will haunt us in our memories, in our dreams, as golden -- but the spring is over.

 

Our paths have come to a point, where although it is sad, we have to part, because now, living together is not a sign of love. If I love you, I will leave you the moment I see my love has become a misery to you. If you love me, you will leave me the moment you see that your love is creating an imprisonment for me."

 

Love is the highest value in life: It should not be reduced to stupid rituals. And love and freedom go together -- you cannot choose one and leave the other. A man who knows freedom is full of love, and a man who knows love is always willing to give freedom.

 

If you cannot give freedom to the person you love, to whom can you give freedom? Giving freedom is nothing but trusting. Freedom is an expression of love.

 

So whether you are married or not, remember, all marriages are fake -- just social conveniences. Their purpose is not to imprison you and bind you to each other; their purpose is to help you to grow with each other. But growth needs freedom; and in the past, all the cultures have forgotten that without freedom, love dies.

 

You see a bird on the wing in the sun, in the sky, and it looks so beautiful. Attracted by its beauty, you can catch the bird and put it in a golden cage.

 

Do you think it is the same bird? Superficially, yes, it is the same bird who was flying in the sky; but deep down it is not the same bird -- because where is its sky, where is its freedom?

 

This golden cage may be valuable to you; it is not valuable to the bird. For the bird, to be free in the sky is the only valuable thing in life. And the same is true about human beings.

 

 

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Be still

我明白，我们的社会说，一切都要行动，停滞就代表懒惰、消极以及无收益。而那些我们被迫停下来的时刻，比如排队、等医生或者在乘坐公交车，我们往往会感到不自在，往往想找些事儿干。一些人拿着手机按来按去，一些人会处理文件或者读一些东西，还有些人只是坐立不安的呆在那儿。貌似我们都不太习惯"停顿"。

片刻停留，片刻自我。你需要做的仅仅是每天安静的在那儿坐会儿。当你习惯了以后，可以尝试"每天少做些事儿"。享受停下脚步的那一刻吧。这是人生的珍宝，是每个人都可以一生拥有的珍宝。

Be still.

Just for a moment.

Listen to the world around you. Feel your breath coming in and going out. Listen to your thoughts. See the details of your surroundings.

Be at peace with being still.

In this modern world, activity and movement are the default modes, if not with our bodies then at least with our minds, with our attention. We rush around all day, doing things, talking, emailing, sending and reading messages, clicking from browser tab to the next, one link to the next.

We are always on, always connected, always thinking, always talking. There is no time for stillness ― and sitting in front of a frenetic computer all day, and then in front of the hyperactive television, doesn't count as stillness.

This comes at a cost: we lose that time for contemplation, for observing and listening. We lose peace.

And worse yet: all the rushing around is often counterproductive. I know, in our society action is all-important ― inaction is seen as lazy and passive and unproductive. However, sometimes too much action is worse than no action at all. You can run around crazily, all sound and fury, but get nothing done. Or you can get a lot done ― but nothing important. Or you can hurt things with your actions, make things worse than if you'd stayed still.

And when we are forced to be still ― because we're in line for something, or waiting at a doctor's appointment, or on a bus or train ― we often get antsy, and need to find something to do. Some of us will have our mobile devices, others will have a notebook or folder with things to do or read, others will fidget. Being still isn't something we're used to.

Take a moment to think about how you spend your days ― at work, after work, getting ready for work, evenings and weekends. Are you constantly rushing around? Are you constantly reading and answering messages, checking on the news and the latest stream of information? Are you always trying to Get Lots of Things Done, ticking off tasks from your list like a machine, rushing through your schedule?

Is this how you want to spend your life?

If so, peace be with you. If not, take a moment to be still. Don't think about what you have to do, or what you've done already. Just be in the moment.

Then after a minute or two of doing that, contemplate your life, and how you'd like it to be. See your life with less movement, less doing, less rushing. See it with more stillness, more contemplation, more peace.

Then be that vision.

It's pretty simple, actually: all you have to do is sit still for a little bit each day. Once you've gotten used to that, try doing less each day. Breathe when you feel yourself moving too fast. Slow down. Be present. Find happiness now, in this moment, instead of waiting for it.

Savor the stillness. It's a treasure, and it's available to us, always.

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Somewhere only you know

无论你在哪儿找到了这样一个特别的地方，记住要拥有一个，并且要经常去看看，让它如圣地般生机盎然。这样的地方让我们更接近我们的伙伴，家人，还有朋友。在生活繁忙，感情紧张的时候，这样一个特别的地方能帮我们增加感情。一同就寝能给你安定，偷偷地去一次私密酒店能点燃激情，有一个香气宜人的浴室能重点火花，要不就是幸福的第二春。那么，你的秘密小窝在哪呢？

Once, when a relationship I loved but struggled with was ending, I felt convinced that if only he and I went to the spot of one of our first dates (a place we had returned to throughout our relationship and where we always felt calm and connected), we would somehow figure everything out. Of course, I didn't suggest we go there, and so we didn't, and the relationship came to its natural end. Looking back I don't think the place could have breathed new life into anything at the time, anyway, but what's striking to me is that, for a moment, I was certain that a place had the power to do so. Such is the power of a couple's secret, private space.

When we're growing up, forts made of blankets and secret clubhouses provide space for friendships and crushes to develop. And if you've seen the movie Up!, you perhaps have some thoughts on how one's childhood clubhouse can - with a little care, fresh paint, and the right partner-in-crime - create space for adult love to bloom.

As women and men grow up and form loving adult relationships, it becomes increasingly important for couples to create a space in which they can relax, be themselves, and grow closer. For many couples, the bed they share may be the place to which they retreat for feelings of safety, comfort and love - not to mention sex. A couple's bed is where they may let down their emotional and physical guards during sleep as well as during sex. In fact, it may be one of the few places where they can make themselves feel entirely vulnerable to another human being.

For some people, trust and security come easy. For others, learning to be vulnerable to another person is a struggle that they may or may not win with time, practice and what feels like great risk taking. Consequently, as damaging as affairs in any shape or form may be, they can feel particularly threatening when a person allows their affair into the bed they share with their partner. Betraying trust by letting someone else into a couple's bed can feel not just hurtful, but devastating.

The bed is such a special place for many women and men that it's not unusual for some couples to say that they have their best conversations with each other when they are in bed. Maybe they wake up on weekends feeling rested and enjoy lying together, just talking. Perhaps before sleep, the ritual of getting undressed, settling into bed and holding one another close allows the conversation to flow more naturally than during the day. For some couples, it's sex that brings them closer - kissing, hugging, touching, and naked passion may be followed by cuddling, closeness and sharing secrets one might never think to share over breakfast, let's say, or watching television.

As relationship-enhancing as a bed or bedroom may be, others places can allow love or sex to bloom, too. A bath tub can serve as a private sanctuary in which some couples dissect their day, share their dreams, or seduce one another. The shower can be not only a place to become clean but a place to start kissing or to have passionate, lustful sex. Some couples find their special place outside the home: a fire tower nestled in the woods in which they can take in an entire forest of autumn leaves, a park in which they can lie down and look at clouds, or a neighborhood hotel that they can retreat to for a night away from the kids and a chance to feel young again. Even a living room sofa can provide comfort and closeness for a couple or family as they huddle together to eat popcorn and watch a movie.

Wherever you find your special place, know that it is important to have one and to visit it with some regularity to keep it alive as a sanctuary and a place that matters. Spaces become alive in the ways that they bring us closer to a partner, a family or a group of friends. As life gets hectic and relationships become stressed, special places can help to center a relationship. Going to bed together can feel calming, sneaking away to your favorite hotel can ignite passion, and drawing a fragranced bath for your significant other may just inspire romance or re-connection. Where's your secret spot?

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