Don’t Allow Your Weaknesses to Limit You

我们大多数人都不会面对这些人所面对的挑战，而我们大多数人也没有取得这些人所获得的成就。

除非我们选择努力。

如果马克・英格里斯没有腿都能登上世界最高山峰，那你呢？

We all have weaknesses and strengths - no matter who we are. Sometimes the weaknesses seem to outweigh the strengths and sometimes it's the other way around. Some people get sick easily. Some struggle to manage their finances properly. Some people are hopeless communicators and struggle with relationships.

Many people leave it and that and accept it as just bad luck � but not everyone. Some people facing huge limitations still manage to achieve tremendous things. They rise above their weaknesses and do not allow them to limit their possibilities.

It's Your Choice

I attended a school prize-giving ceremony not so long ago and the guest speaker was Andrew Becroft, who had a severe stutter as a child. Instead of allowing this to limit him, he chose to to work hard to overcome it. He is now the Principal Youth Court Judge for New Zealand. Not only did he become successful, but he did so in a profession where he had to speak in front of others regularly ― where his weakness is front and center for all to see. If he hadn't worked on his speaking ability, it would have been very limiting to his life and career prospects.

You can find similar people on New Zealand News channels, and I suspect the same in other countries. There are a number of presenters and reporters who have a noticeably unusual manner of speaking. Perhaps they have a lisp, or they have a peculiar accent or pitch of voice. These people have succeeded in spite of what would be appear to be a weakness in their profession.

Lots of people face far more significant limitations than you do. They may be missing limbs or are born into extreme poverty. But no matter what the limitation, you will always find people who have overcome it.

Here are some more examples:

Brett Eastburn has no arms or legs and yet is an inspirational speaker and and also a very good wrestler. He shares his story in a brief video on his site.

Lance Armstrong's bout with cancer meant he lost one testicle and had to go through chemotherapy which has a horrific effect on the body. Yet he went on to win the Tour de France, one of the most grueling sports events there is, a record 7 times.

Ringo Starr, drummer for the Beatles, came from a very poor background. He was constantly plagued with illness as a child and spent large amounts of time in hospital.

At 19 months old, Helen Keller became ill and lost her sight and hearing (before she'd learned to speak). She went on to become a world famous author and speaker, and an advocate of many social causes.

Grant Calder is a tetraplegic and yet he still works outdoors on a large sheep farm in New Zealand's rugged South Island. Here is his inspiring story.

Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. As a child she suffered measles, mumps, scarlet fever, chicken pox, double pneumonia and eventually polio, leaving her left leg and foot weak and deformed. Doctors said she would never walk again. She went on to win 3 gold medals in track during the 1960 Olympic games.

Mark Inglis lost both of his legs below the knees in a mountaineering accident, but has since climbed Mt Everest.

Bill Wilson was an alcoholic who wanted to help other alcoholics and founded what was to become Alcoholics Anonymous, a movement that has helped millions of people.

No One Would Have Predicted These Successes

These above are cases involving individuals with significant limitations, and it can be easy to write them off as exceptions to the rule, but that's not the case. They were just people with problems. If one of these people had told you what they hoped to achieve you would have nodded kindly while quietly thinking to yourself that they had no chance. And yet the results speak for themselves.

We All Face Challenges in Life

Most of us will never have to face the kinds of challenges these people faced. Yet most of us will never achieve to the degree that these people have either.

Unless we choose to.

If Mark Inglis can climb the highest mountain in the world without legs, what can you do?

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Roller babies hot on web!

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The Evian roller babies from the crazily viral water commercial are widely adored. Within days of its release, the video clip became a YouTube sensation, after being watched over 4 million times.

The video features babies on roller skates break dancing and doing other stunts.

Originally filmed as a typical home video of infants walking or crawling capturing certain movements or expressions, the seamless computer graphics and editing are the secret behind the babies' stunts.

 

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Peace of mind

你无法改变那些必然发生的事情，它们终会发生。你要做的就是期望它们发生，甚至在发生前就把它们看作已经发生的事实，那么你就不会那么恼怒了。

你不会表现过分。你会很合适的做出回应。你可以和当事人谈谈他们的行为，平心静气的请求他们考虑一下你的感受…你不会过于情绪化以至于把事情搞得更加复杂。

你会微笑，思考，"这是我所期望发生的。杯子早就摔碎了。我可以接受。"

你的内心会很安静。我的朋友们，这是一个多么受欢迎的小惊喜啊。

How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn't doing their job, because your child isn't behaving, because your partner or friend isn't living up to his or her end of the bargain?

How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn't do things the way you're used to? Or when you've planned something carefully and things didn't go as you'd hoped?

This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us ― it's part of the human experience.

One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don't wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances ― don't we all?

And it isn't always easy to find peace when you've become upset or irritated.

Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind: see the glass as already broken.

See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don't go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.

And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.

One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong ― they always do on a trip. I told them, "See it as part of the adventure."

And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children's Castle closed on Mondays … they said, "It's part of the adventure!" And it was all OK ― we didn't get too bothered.

So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it'll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks.

And when it breaks, you won't be upset or sad ― because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you'll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.

Expect your child to mess up ― all children do. And don't get so upset when they mess up, when they don't do what they're "supposed" to do … because they're supposed to mess up.

Expect your partner to be less than perfect.

Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.

Expect things to go not according to plan.

Expect people to be rude sometimes.

Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.

Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.

Expect the glass to break.

And accept it.

You won't change these inevitable facts ― they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen ― even see it as already happening, before it happens ― you won't get so upset.

You won't overreact. You'll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won't get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.

You'll smile, and think, "I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that."

You'll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise.

 

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Mother and child

我拿起那条链子。她用双手接过它，向前探了探身，在我的脖子后把简易的项链钩系好。然后她向后退了几步，好像在看看是否合适。我低下头看着闪闪发亮的玻璃珠和已失去光泽的金色链子，然后抬起头望着她。我很认真地轻声说道："哦，玛丽亚，这链子真漂亮。你妈妈一定会喜欢的。"我们已无法抑制住泪水。她踉踉跄跄地扑进我的怀里，我们都哭了。在那短暂的一刻我成了她的妈妈，而她送给了我一份最珍贵的礼物：她的信任和爱。

It was Christmas 1961. I was teaching in a small town in Ohio where my twenty-seven third graders eagerly anticipated the great day of gifts giving.

A tree covered with tinsel and gaudy paper chains graced one corner. In another rested a manger scene produced from cardboard and poster paints by chubby, and sometimes grubby, hands. Someone had brought a doll and placed it on the straw in the cardboard box that served as the manger. It didn't matter that you could pull a string and hear the blue-eyed, golden-haired dolly say, "My name is Susie." "But Jesus was a boy baby!" one of the boys proclaimed. Nonetheless, Susie stayed.

Each day the children produced some new wonder -- strings of popcorn, hand-made trinkets, and German bells made from wallpaper samples, which we hung from the ceiling. Through it all she remained aloof, watching from afar, seemingly miles away. I wondered what would happen to this quiet child, once so happy, now so suddenly withdrawn. I hoped the festivities would appeal to her. But nothing did. We made cards and gifts for mothers and dads, for sisters and brothers, for grandparents, and for each other. At home the students made the popular fried marbles and vied with one another to bring in the prettiest ones. " You put them in a hot frying pan, Teacher. And you let them get real hot, and then you watch what happens inside. But you don't fry them too long or they break." So, as my gift to them, I made each of my students a little pouch for carrying their fried marbles. And I knew they had each made something for me: bookmarks carefully cut, colored, and sometimes pasted together; cards and special drawings; liquid embroidery doilies, hand-fringed, of course.

The day of gift-giving finally came. We oohed and aahed over our handiwork as the presents were exchanged. Through it all, she sat quietly watching. I had made a special pouch for her, red and green with white lace. I wanted very much to see her smile. She opened the package so slowly and carefully. I waited but she turned away. I had not penetrated the wall of isolation she had built around herself.

After school the children left in little groups, chattering about the great day yet to come when long-hoped-for two-wheelers and bright sleds would appear beside their trees at home. She lingered, watching them bundle up and go out the door. I sat down in a child-sized chair to catch my breath, hardly aware of what was happening, when she came to me with outstretched hands, bearing a small white box, unwrapped and slightly soiled, as though it had been held many times by unwashed, childish hands. She said nothing. "For me?" I asked with a weak smile. She said not a word, but nodded her head. I took the box and gingerly opened it. There inside, glistening green, a fried marble hung from a golden chain. Then I looked into that elderly eight-year-old face and saw the question in her dark brown eyes. In a flash I knew -- she had made it for her mother, a mother she would never see again, a mother who would never hold her or brush her hair or share a funny story, a mother who would never again hear her childish joys or sorrows. A mother who had taken her own life just three weeks before.

I held out the chain. She took it in both her hands, reached forward, and secured the simple clasp at the back of my neck. She stepped back then as if to see that all was well. I looked down at the shiny piece of glass and the tarnished golden chain, then back at the giver. I meant it when I whispered," Oh, Maria, it is so beautiful. She would have loved it." Neither of us could stop the tears. She stumbled into my arms and we wept together. And for that brief moment I became her mother, for she had given me the greatest gift of all: herself.

 

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Stop acting like such a big baby

想想吧，如果停止抱怨的话你会变得多么快乐。反正那些事情又无力改变，整天想着那些你无力改变的事情又有什么意义呢？如果你来问我，我会说那样很愚蠢。当你意识到自己在抱怨的时候，停下来，问问自己是要变得快乐，还是继续这样抱怨下去。

你准备好过没有抱怨，更加快乐的生活了吗？

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." ―Dale Carnegie

If we really want to be happy, why do we act like such babies?

We can claim to be proactive in our life by settings goals and going after what we want. But if we're always whining and complaining all the time, are we really living effectively?

If you don't believe me, count how many times you complain about something or other in one day. Whether it be being stuck in traffic, being bothered by the weather, not enough mustard on your sandwich, or whatever it is, there are endless instances where you can find a reason to complain.

But it's not just outside circumstances that we complain about. We complain about about ourselves too. We complain that we don't have enough time, we don't have enough money (this one is huge because it's often "true"), that we're not smart enough, cool enough, or just enough.

I know I've experienced plenty of unpleasantness due to complaining about things I can't control. I never really thought about it much until I found this website about "living in a complain free world."

Imagine how much happier you would be if you simply stopped complaining? Much of what you complain about is outside of your control anyway. What's the point of brooding about something you have no power to change? Not very intelligent, if you ask me.

Simply becoming conscious of how much you complain is the first step to stopping. When you recognize that you're complaining, stop and take notice of it. Ask yourself if you would rather complain, or be happy.

Are you ready to live a complaint-free, happier life?

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The Californian's tale

"她在结婚半年后回去看望她的父母，在回来的路上，也就是六月的一个星期六晚上，印第安人抓住了她。此后再也没有人看到过她。亨利疯了。他一直认为她还活着。每当六月来临时，他就认为她去看望她的父母，于是他就等待着她回来。他拿出那封信，我们来看他，他向我们朗读她的来信。

在预计她回来的星期六晚上，我们来到这里和他在一起，于是在以后的一年中他就能够平安度过。19年来，每年的六月，我们都这么做。第一年，我们才27岁。"

When I was young, I went looking for gold in California. I never found enough to make me rich. But I did discover a beautiful part of the country. It was called "the Stanislau." The Stanislau was like Heaven on Earth. It had bright green hills and deep forests where soft winds touched the trees. 　

Other men, also looking for gold, had reached the Stanislau hills of California many years before I did. They had built a town in the valley with sidewalks and stores, banks and schools. They had also built pretty little houses for their families.　

At first, they found a lot of gold in the Stanislau hills. But their good luck did not last. After a few years, the gold disappeared. By the time I reached the Stanislau, all the people were gone, too.

Grass now grew in the streets. And the little houses were covered by wild rose bushes. Only the sound of insects filled the air as I walked through the empty town that summer day so long ago. Then, I realized I was not alone after all.　

A man was smiling at me as he stood in front of one of the little houses. This house was not covered by wild rose bushes. A nice little garden in front of the house was full of blue and yellow flowers. White curtains hung from the windows and floated in the soft summer wind.

Still smiling, the man opened the door of his house and motioned to me. I went inside and could not believe my eyes. I had been living for weeks in rough mining camps with other gold miners. We slept on the hard ground, ate canned beans from cold metal plates and spent our days in the difficult search for gold.

Here in this little house, my spirit seemed to come to life again.

I saw a bright rug on the shining wooden floor. Pictures hung all around the room. And on little tables there were seashells, books and china vases full of flowers. A woman had made this house into a home.

The pleasure I felt in my heart must have shown on my face. The man read my thoughts. "Yes," he smiled, "it is all her work. Everything in this room has felt the touch of her hand."　　

One of the pictures on the wall was not hanging straight. He noticed it and went to fix it. He stepped back several times to make sure the picture was really straight. Then he gave it a gentle touch with his hand.

"She always does that," he explained to me. "It is like the finishing pat a mother gives her child's hair after she has brushed it. I have seen her fix all these things so often that I can do it just the way she does. I don't know why I do it. I just do it."　

As he talked, I realized there was something in this room that he wanted me to discover. I looked around. When my eyes reached a corner of the room near the fireplace, he broke into a happy laugh and rubbed his hands together.

"That's it!" he cried out. "You have found it! I knew you would. It is her picture. I went to a little black shelf that held a small picture of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. There was a sweetness and softness in the woman's expression that I had never seen before.

The man took the picture from my hands and stared at it. "She was nineteen on her last birthday. That was the day we were married. When you see her…oh, just wait until you meet her!"　

"Where is she now?" I asked.　

"Oh, she is away," the man sighed, putting the picture back on the little black shelf. "She went to visit her parents. They live forty or fifty miles from here. She has been gone two weeks today."　

"When will she be back?" I asked. "Well, this is Wednesday," he said slowly. "She will be back on Saturday, in the evening."　

I felt a sharp sense of regret. "I am sorry, because I will be gone by then," I said. 　

"Gone? No! Why should you go? Don't go. She will be so sorry. You see, she likes to have people come and stay with us."　　

"No, I really must leave," I said firmly.　

He picked up her picture and held it before my eyes. "Here," he said. "Now you tell her to her face that you could have stayed to meet her and you would not."　

Something made me change my mind as I looked at the picture for a second time. I decided to stay. 　

The man told me his name was Henry.　

That night, Henry and I talked about many different things, but mainly about her. The next day passed quietly. 　

Thursday evening we had a visitor. He was a big, grey-haired miner named Tom. "I just came for a few minutes to ask when she is coming home," he explained. "Is there any news?"　

"Oh yes," the man replied. "I got a letter. Would you like to hear it? He took a yellowed letter out of his shirt pocket and read it to us. It was full of loving messages to him and to other people � their close friends and neighbors. When the man finished reading it, he looked at his friend. "Oh no, you are doing it again, Tom! You always cry when I read a letter from her. I'm going to tell her this time!"　

"No, you must not do that, Henry," the grey-haired miner said. "I am getting old. And any little sorrow makes me cry. I really was hoping she would be here tonight."　

The next day, Friday, another old miner came to visit. He asked to hear the letter. The message in it made him cry, too. "We all miss her so much," he said. Saturday finally came. I found I was looking at my watch very often. Henry noticed this. "You don't think something has happened to her, do you?" he asked me. 　

I smiled and said that I was sure she was just fine. But he did not seem satisfied.

I was glad to see his two friends, Tom and Joe, coming down the road as the sun began to set. The old miners were carrying guitars. They also brought flowers and a bottle of whiskey. They put the flowers in vases and began to play some fast and lively songs on their guitars.　

Henry's friends kept giving him glasses of whiskey, which they made him drink. When I reached for one of the two glasses left on the table, Tom stopped my arm. "Drop that glass and take the other one!" he whispered. He gave the remaining glass of whiskey to Henry just as the clock began to strike midnight.

Henry emptied the glass. His face grew whiter and whiter. "Boys," he said, "I am feeling sick. I want to lie down."　

Henry was asleep almost before the words were out of his mouth. 　

In a moment, his two friends had picked him up and carried him into the bedroom. They closed the door and came back. They seemed to be getting ready to leave. So I said, "Please don't go gentlemen. She will not know me. I am a stranger to her."　　

They looked at each other. "His wife has been dead for nineteen years," Tom said.　

"Dead?" I whispered.　

"Dead or worse," he said.　

"She went to see her parents about six months after she got married. On her way back, on a Saturday evening in June, when she was almost here, the Indians captured her. No one ever saw her again. Henry lost his mind. He thinks she is still alive. When June comes, he thinks she has gone on her trip to see her parents. Then he begins to wait for her to come back. He gets out that old letter. And we come around to visit so he can read it to us. 　

"On the Saturday night she is supposed to come home, we come here to be with him. We put a sleeping drug in his drink so he will sleep through the night. Then he is all right for another year."　

Joe picked up his hat and his guitar. "We have done this every June for nineteen years," he said. "The first year there were twenty-seven of us. Now just the two of us are left." He opened the door of the pretty little house. And the two old men disappeared into the darkness of the Stanislau.

 

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Top Gear -- The most wonderful motor show in the world

Top Gear 《极品试车》  [19:00-20:00, Every Monday from May 18^th on ICS]

 

 

 

    车迷们有福了。由BBC出品的世界顶级汽车节目《极品试车》将从5月18日起在外语频道亮相。

获奖无数、在100多个国家播出的《极品试车》称得上是英国收视最高的节目之一，每周播出时都会吸引超过七百万名观众。节目获奖无数，包括2005年在艾美国际奖项中赢得了无剧本娱乐片类大奖，和2006年的国家电视奖最受欢迎节目奖。

 

 

 

    不带任何偏见的《极品试车》团队在节目中对各品牌各类型的车辆进行极限测试，一系列的特技和挑战令人眼花缭乱。抛却了无聊的统计数据和令人费解的术语，节目集速度，激情，奢华，动感和搞怪于一身，令观众对车的性能印象深刻。不过幽默之余，节目也会偶尔严肃一下，提供最新车型独家试车报道，回顾一下汽车的发展历程等等。

 

    总而言之，《极品试车》玩儿的就是心跳。5月18日起，每周一晚20:00来外语频道，一起感受这种心跳。

 

Car lovers take heart. Top Gear, the world's biggest car show produced by BBC, will be premiered on ICS from May 18th.

 

Multi-award-winning and broadcast in more than 100 countries, Top Gear is one of UK's most-watched program, attracting audiences of over seven million each week. It has won the Best Non-Scripted Entertainment, International Emmy Awards, in 2005 and the Most Popular Factual Programme, National Television Awards, in 2007.

 

 

 

Witty and unbiasedly honest, the Top Gear team, take cars to the limit and beyond to find out if they're any good or not. Full of stunts, challenges and special features, Top Gear is self-deprecating, inclusive and passionate - there no boring stats and impenetrable conversations about camshafts and tyre pressures. Instead viewers get authoritative information, entertainment and no little style. There'll be some serious car journalism in there too with exhaustive road tests of the latest models; looks back at the history of motoring; man versus machine experiments and weekly power tests featuring the world's most exotic super cars.

 

Most of all, Top Gear is about having fun. Tune in every Monday at 7pm from May 18th for the thrilling car experience.

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Getaway 车游天下 -- A travelling TV show

Getaway是澳洲的第9台制作的旅游节目。女主持样貌甜美,在全世界都有很多热情的影迷。因此在世界各国都有很高的收视率..."Getaway"节目主要分两部份:其一是每集的一个国家主题,其二是一些邻近澳洲的特别旅游热点
最近Getaway和CCTV9合作，在国内开播，ICS频道也有播映，是一档不错的双语旅游节目。来自澳大利亚的主持人安龙是个很有趣的家伙，用不同的视角带你领略国内外的秀美景色。

Want to get away from the hustle and bustle of the cities?
Want to have a taste of the originality and diversity of different regions across China?
Want to get to know China more by stepping deep into the exotic places that you might have never been to?

GetAway, a thirty minute bilingual show on International Channel of Shanghai, offers more not just that. Focusing on self-driving travellers' experience, it takes you away to the most exciting and interesting places across China, from Tibet, Yunan, Mongolia to West Gobey…from sunny beaches to the most remote and reserved forrests and moutains, from people on the horseback to the minority tribes in the south…

 

Beatiful landscapes, local customs and interesting history and legends in a package of a fascinating visual pleasure, along with handy tips on travel itinerary, dining, accommodation, entertainment and shopping. We set our foot on the unlimited fun land across China, just wait to be surprised!

      仰观峰岭之高， 俯察河川之深， 转动自由的车轮， 载着人文的心灵。吃点山货，喝口土酒，逛回庙会，放松心情， 放松心灵，驰骋于雅俗之间。《车游天下》，外语频道一档双语都市时尚旅游节目，外籍主持主观视角，强调流动感拍摄，突出驾车游机动性；动态介绍最具参与性、互动性的旅游项目，强调旅途及节目本身的娱乐性。除了美食，住宿，娱乐，购物的各项旅游小贴士之外，更带领观众领略中国各地风光，了解本土风情，深入本土历史文化，给观众不一样的视觉感受和体验。

Getaway
  
车游天下
  
8:30pm, Every Friday
每周五晚8点30分 ICS

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Talk to Me: God on the Ground

My first day back at work already sucked. Just getting out of my car hurt. Ascending the flight of stairs to my office, I had to get both feet on a step and take a breath before attempting the next. My briefcase felt like it contained a bowling ball instead of a laptop. Though I’d spent five weeks at home recovering from bi-level lumbar spinal fusion, I suddenly wanted another month off. I had been proud of how quickly I’d reduced my Vicodin consumption; now, I might have to pop one just to make it up the stairs.

 

None of this, however, discouraged me as much as the task awaiting the instant I parked my convalescent fanny at my desk. I had to call a health insurance company.

 

Let’s see if I can give you the back story without breaking into tears or profanity or both. I’m a psychologist in private practice. It’s just me—no office staff, no partners, not even a goldfish. This is the primary reason I don’t bill insurance. Prying money from insurance companies is like wrenching red meat from the jaws of a pit bull. You waste entire hours filing claims, then more hours on hold when you call to ask why they denied the claims. If the insurance company agrees to pay, you can expect a check sometime next leap year.

 

Against my better judgment, I joined an insurance panel because a colleague said they paid well and on time. When they sent me a referral, I decided to take a chance and bill them directly. Big mistake. An avalanche of obfuscating minutia ensued as I begged for payment that never came. After a year, I stopped groveling and filed the experience under Life Lessons Resulting from Foolish Optimism.

 

My first day out of the hospital, I checked my voicemail at work. I listened with clenched teeth to three angry messages from a representative from the insurance company. She made menacing references to unapproved sessions and unfiled forms, though I’d faxed them enough to paper to turn Oregon brown. My outgoing message made it clear that I was on extended medical leave, but the woman was outraged that I hadn’t returned her call. “We must resolve this matter immediately,” she said. This, after a year of trying my patience. Though I’d been rendering my services for free, it felt like I was in trouble.

 

 

When I finally made it up to the stairs and into my office, I collapsed onto the couch, taking quick, shallow breaths. I looked at my desk and saw the blinking red beacon of despair on my answering machine. Putting all my weight on my arms, I heaved myself up and into the fray. Might as well get it over with.

 

I picked up the phone and started to dial.

 

“Oh, Lord …” I sighed.

 

Wait a minute, I thought. The Lord. What about praying first?

 

My cynicism whacked my spiritual naiveté on the knuckles with an aluminum ruler.

 

You’re not supposed to pray for stuff like this. It’s self-serving and silly. Do you want to be like on of those people who pray for parking spots at the mall?

 

Had I not been so desperate for a break, cynicism might have won.

 

Shut up, asshole, I snapped. I know it’s a long shot, but it can’t hurt to ask. If nothing else, I’m talking to God. I need to do that more, even if the reason is lame.

 

I said a quick prayer, apologizing in advance for the triviality of my request. Then I dialed. The agent picked up on the first ring. My stomach lurched forward. I had a spunky soliloquy ready for voicemail, but I wasn’t ready for live performance.

 

I told her who I was and gave her the name of the client.

 

“Can you hold for a moment?” she said.

 

No doubt she was asking her superiors if she should put me on the rack or go straight to the guillotine. I reached into my bag and pulled out a bottle of Vicodin.

 

Two minutes later, the agent returned. “We’ve closed this file,” she said. “We mailed the check for the full outstanding balance yesterday. It looks like we overpaid by mistake. You can just credit the coverage to the client’s account. Sorry for all the confusion.”

 

In slow motion, I put the bottle of pills back in my bag, unopened.

 

“Hello?” the agent said.

 

“Um, thanks a lot.”

 

“Thanks for your patience.”

 

Click.

 

When people offer to sell their souls to Satan in return for resolution of an insurance claim, he says, “Um, yeah … you can go ahead and keep your soul.”

 

This was a miracle of God.

 

I looked toward the sky and said, “Wow. Thanks a lot!”         

 

Then the reply came. Not fully formed words, just an intense feeling that was familiar in situations like these.

 

You’re welcome. Glad I got your attention. Now, how about talking to me more, and not just when you need a favor? 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

You’re forgiven. And stop making fun of people who pray for parking places. At least they’re talking to me. It doesn’t always have to be about Africa or repentance or even praise, though that’s always a good idea. Just think of me more often, because I think of you all the time.

 

A shiver went down my spine, but it was a good one for a change. I smiled and got to work. I accomplished more than I did on most days before my surgery. I typed, scribbled, and returned calls. I vanquished my whole to-do list, talking to God, all the while.

 

 

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Why we love who we love

真的有一见钟情这回事吗？为什么没有呢？当爱情来了的时候，那一刻无论如何，情侣们总会找到他们相互惺惺相惜之处。这也许就像他们都曾经读过同一本书，都在一个镇上出生一样平常。同时，他们又会看到双方性格上的互补。

Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together -- yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why?

I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coaches Little League, is active in his Rotary Club and plays golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete Homebody. She doesn't even like to go out to dinner.

What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?

Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our "love map" -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, and body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.

In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. And this love map is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.

When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from "She's strong and independent" and "I go for redheads" to "I love his sense of humor" and "That crooked smile, that's what did it."

Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner.

However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family in Chicago, who fell in love with an African American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.

It turns out that the woman was like her mother-in-law -- a loving and caring person, the type who rolls up her sleeves and volunteers to work at church or help out people in need. This is the quality that her husband fell for, and it made color and religion and any other social factors irrelevant to him.

Or as George Burns, who was Jewish and married the Irish Catholic Gracie Allen, used to say: his marriage was his favorite gig, even though it was Gracie who got all the laughs. The two of them did share certain social similarities -- both grew up in the city, in large but poor families. Yet what really drew them together was evident from the first time they went onstage together. They complemented each other perfectly: he was the straight man, and she delivered the punch lines.

There are certainly such "odd couples" who could scarcely be happier. We all know some drop-dead beautiful person married to an unusually plain wallflower. This is a trade-off some call the equity theory.

When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else's strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate.

Indeed, almost any combination can survive and thrive. Once, some neighbors of mine stopped by for a friendly social engagement. During the evening Robert, a man in his 50s, suddenly blurted out, "What would you say if your daughter planned to marry someone who has a ponytail and insisted on doing the cooking?"

"Unless your daughter loves cooking," I responded, "I'd say she was darn lucky."

"Exactly," his wife agreed. "It's really your problem, Robert -- that old macho thing rearing its head again. The point is, they're in love."

I tried to reassure Robert, pointing out that the young man their daughter had picked out seemed to be a relaxed, nonjudgmental sort of person -- a trait he shared with her own mother.

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discover a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.

I happen to be one of those who were struck by the magic wand. On that fateful weekend, while I was a sophomore at Cornell University, I had a terrible cold and hesitated to join my family on vacation in the Catskill Mountains. Finally I decided anything would be better than sitting alone in my dormitory room.

That night as I was preparing to go to dinner, my sister rushed up the stairs and said, "When you walk into that dining room, you're going to meet the man you'll marry."

I think I said something like "Buzz off!" But my sister couldn't have been more right. I knew it from the moment I saw him, and the memory still gives me goose flesh. He was a premed student, also at Cornell, who incidentally also had a bad cold. I fell in love with Milton the instant I met him.

Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love that Erich Fromm called a "feeling of fusion, of oneness," even while we both continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives.

 

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