10 Small Habits of Less Stressed People

10 Small Habits of Less Stressed People

The Positivity Blog | Increase Your Happiness and Awesomeness

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"Unnatural work produces too much stress."
Bhagavad Gita

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
Sydney J. Harris

Keeping the stress away in life isn't just about the big decisions and challenges like the career, your most important relationships, money and health.

It is also to a large degree about what you do each day and week. Those small habits that you may forget about or neglect that when added up make a huge difference.

Here are 10 of them that are having a wonderful impact in my life and have had a very positive effect for many people.

Write it all down.

Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket. So write down all your great ideas, insights, and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.

One thing at a time.

You'll get better results and feel better and less stressed if you do just one thing at a time. So instead of multi-tasking, get your day started with doing the most important task of the day until it is finished. Then continue with the next task that is now the most important one for you.

Ask instead of guessing.

Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.

Don't make mountains out of molehills.

Before you start thinking too much about something and building it up something big in your head, ask yourself "am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? And if you get lost in victim thinking in some way then ask yourself "does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?".

Pack your bag before you go to bed.

Then you don't have to get stressed out by that in morning and you are less likely to forget something.

Set clear boundaries for your day and week.

I have to have limits to properly balance fully focused work with relaxation. By doing things this way I have discovered that I become more productive when not everything is about being productive. And life, in my experience, does become more pleasurable too. Three ways to set boundaries for your day and week are:

• Set at stop time and start time for work. I do not work after 7 o clock in the evenings and I do not work before 8 o clock in the morning.
• Plenty of breaks each day. Take breaks during your day to stay sharp and to have energy for the evenings and weekends too. I usually work for about 45 minutes and take a 15 minute break per hour. During that break I get away from the computer and do something different like going out for fresh air, eating something or watching half an episode of the Simpsons. Then every third hour or so I take a longer break for lunch, a snack or something like that.
• Don't work on weekends. I try to stay away from the usual impressions and routines during the weekend. I usually take one media- and internet free day. I rarely check my emails on Saturdays or Sundays. Instead I spend time with my girlfriend, friends, family, a good book or movie or I do some other fun activity.

Keep everything in its place.

If everything has its own place then it is whole lot easier to keep your home reasonably ordered and decluttered from day to day. And to find the keys, wallet and cell phone as you are heading out the door.

Be 10 minutes early.

This very simple tip has transformed those traveling times during my day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only up my levels of stress and other negative feelings.

Keep a very simple workspace.

By keeping a very simple workspace you minimize the distracting and stressing clutter. And your attention becomes easier to focus in a natural way on what is most important. So think about how you can create such a place to work in.

One suggestion is to just have small desk with a laptop, a pad of paper and a pen and something that inspires you on one of your walls like a list of your top priorities or dreams, a good quote or a meaningful photo that gives you a jolt of energy and positivity.

Just breathe.

When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.

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Reading one hour a day could change your life

Here's one very simple yet potentially lifechanging advice I first heard from Brian Tracy. Cut down on the TV at night by just one hour. Instead use that hour to read books that could improve your life.

If you're in sales, google or browse amazon for what other people think are the best and most useful books on improving your sales.

This of course applies to all fields, not just the workrelated ones. Maybe you want to improve your health, become a more energetic person with a better looking body. Or maybe you want improve your productivity, your relations or perhaps do some general personal development.

One hour a day is not much. But if you read for one hour a day on weekdays that's about 260 hours a year. That's a lot of books and loads and loads of useful advice.

If applied who knows what great things and feelings could come into your life this year.

Also, all that cool information and useful advice will start to open up your mind. You will start to see more possibilites in your everyday life.

Now, now you might think something like this:

1. I really don't have the money...

Answer: Visit your local library or search their database if they got a website. Or look for used copies in places like amazon.com or some more local alternative if you're outside of the US.

2. Yeah, ok, but I really don't have the time...

Answer: Buy the books as audiobooks and listen to them in the car whilst driving to and from work. Or transfer them to your mp3-player and listen while riding your bike/bus to work or school. Recently selling audiobooks directly through mp3-downloads have become popular. It's probably something we will see more and more as people and companies discover this easy (and if the technology works) smooth way of shopping.

So start browsing for recommendations on books or ask your friends and collegues.

And shut of the TV a little earlier and start reading this week.

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7 essential life tips from Mark Twain

1. The secret of getting ahead…

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

This is a very good tip and one of the best ones I have ever discovered and used to handle procrastination.

When you start to look too far into the future any task or project can seem close to impossible. And so you shut down because you become overwhelmed or fearful (of success or failure) and start surfing the internet aimlessly instead.

So instead, break that task into small and practical steps.

Then just focus on taking the first step today. That is all you need to focus on, nothing else. By taking the first step you change your mental state from resistant to “hey, I’m doing this, cool”. You put yourself in state where you become more positive and open, a state where you may not be enthusiastic about taking the next step after this first one but you are at least accepting it.

And so you can take the next step. And the next one after that.

Until you have arrived at your destination and completion.

2. Less talking, more doing

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often”

“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”

It’s often easy to talk but developing the habit of being a person of action is quite a bit harder.

Being in the habit of breaking down your task into smaller pieces is one of the most effective things you can do to take more consistent action. Two other habits that work very well for me are to:

• Start your day with a good morning routine. This is probably the most important factor for how much action I take during a day and how the day turns out in general. A good start often leads to a good day. A bad or indecisive start often leads to a pretty mediocre day.
  So create a morning routine with a good breakfast, perhaps a short work out or a short meditation and other things you find gets you off to a great start. Then add doing the most important task of your day at the end of that morning routine.
  Or if you, like me, may feel low in energy, unmotivated or have extra inner resistance to taking action on some mornings then start small and do something easy and simple.
• Take one small action right away to get the ball rolling. What is one thing you can do to pretty much make sure that something will get stuck on your I’ll-do-that-when-I-have-the-time list for a long time? Read about something and get excited about it. And then do nothing about it or tell yourself that you will take action tomorrow.
  Instead, take one small action today, as soon after you have read about whatever you are excited about. Make a plan, book an appointment, do something concrete.

3. Be courageous in the face of fear

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”

Being courageous can be difficult but if you want to live the life you want to live then sometimes you have look into the face of fear and get going/keep going anyway.

And although it is rarely easy to be courageous I have found a few ways to make it easier.

• Ask yourself: what is the worst that could happen? Really think about. Don’t just think about it for a few seconds. Sit down with a pen and piece of paper, your laptop or cellphone. Write it all out and think about what the realistic worst-case scenario would be. Then write down a plan for how you can come back from such a scenario.
  This step brings clarity, defuses fuzzy fears and helps you realize that you can most often bounce back pretty quickly even if the worst-case scenario somehow becomes reality.
• Share your fear with someone. By sharing your fear you can relieve inner pressure. By just keeping it on the inside it’s easy to build it up into this massive nightmare and extremely dangerous thing.
  By sharing and by getting some input from a levelheaded friend or family member he or she can help you to alleviate the fear and inner pressure. And you can gain a much healthier perspective on things again.
• Accept the fear. It is a natural impulse to try to deny the fear when shows up in your life. Perhaps you try to not think about it, you try to push it away. I have found that in many cases it is actually better to just accept that fear is here right now (although it can be hard to sometimes convince your brain that this is a good option).
  By doing so you stop feeding more energy into the fear and you stop making it strong. After a few minutes of fully taking in this uncomfortable feeling and accepting it then it starts to lose steam. It just seems to float away – or at least becomes smaller – and you feel more open and centered.

4. A good compliment is a wonderful thing

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Compliments are awesome. But make sure you make it a genuine one. Make sure you really mean it or it may have the opposite effect as your insincerity shines through. Find something a bit unexpected – like great taste in old soul music rather than looks – and something that is important to the other person and make a positive, appreciative comment about that.

5. Keep positive company

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

I have mentioned this many times. But it bears repeating.

Spend more time with positive people, books, music, movies and websites. Spend your time in an environment that lifts you up. And spend less time or no time with the negative sources out there. Make a conscious choice and start to shape your environment instead of just going along and reading, listening to, watching what people in general or people around you may be in the habit of consuming.

6. Focus on what is truly important for YOU

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

Like with your environment it is important to make a conscious choice to focus on what is most important in YOUR life. And not on the things that various companies may tell you are the most important things.

Like I mentioned little more than a week ago, a note with the 4 most important things in your life smartly placed where you will see it every day – in your workspace etc. – helps you to keep your mind consistently on your top priorities.

And if you want a couple of practical tips that will help you to declutter your ad/information intake then:

• Ask yourself: is this useful? If for instance a TV-show or magazine isn’t bringing me anything useful – fun, fascination, useful tips etc. – then why am I spending my time on it? It’s kinda easy to just fall into a habit of doing stuff or consuming things without really having much of a reason for doing so.
• Find out what you really like to do. That will probably be more interesting that surfing the internet or TV-channels randomly. And so these less exciting things just tend to fall away from your life as you find – or spend more time with – things that you really like to do, like for instance a new hobby.
• Shut off the sound during commercials. And talk to the person beside you on the couch. Or read a couple of pages. Or record the TV-show or movie. Then skip through the commercials.

7. When emotions are exploding… wait.

“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.”

It’s easy to make bad decisions when you are full of negative emotions. And it is very easy to become riled up, angry or defensive when you, for instance, receive some criticism or when someone is attacking you verbally. This is not a good position to be in to fire away a reply if you don’t want to wind up making the situation worse.

And to lash back at this person or to not be the better person here can really hurt your self-esteem. It might feel good for a while to do so but it is a dirty high that comes with a hangover of feeling worse about yourself and subtle or not so subtle self-destructiveness.

But how do you control the impulse to attack, overreact or make a hasty decision?

• Remind yourself of the potential consequences. I don’t want to hurt myself, my self-esteem or make bad decisions with negative consequences. By repeatedly reminding myself of these potential consequences thoughts about those consequences will also often pop up automatically when I receive criticism or when I am angry.
• Count to at least 10 and take a few belly breaths. Then respond. This simple way of calming yourself down and regaining some perspective can save you a lot of trouble and help you avoid saying something you can’t take back. It’s a good approach to avoid creating unnecessary problems and to cool down just a bit and to feel more balanced before you reply or take action.
• Accept how you feel. If you have a little more time than under a minute then take a look at tip #3 again and try to accept how you feel to lessen the big emotions more quickly.
• If possible, wait until tomorrow or at least later today. By then the most negative feelings will most likely have lost their steam and you can see things with more clarity and cool. And take action in a better and smarter way.

From: http://www.positivityblog.com

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Always Changing

Please excuse me if I'm a little pensive today.

Mark is leaving, and I'm feeling kind of sad.

You probably don't know Mark, but you might be lucky enough to know someone just like him. He's been the heart and soul of the office for a couple of year combining exemplary professional skills with a sweet nature and gentle disposition. He's never been all that interested in getting credit for the terrific work he does. He just wants to do his job, and to do it superbly well.

And now he's moving on to an exciting new professional opportunity. It sounds like it could be the chance of a lifetime, and we're genuinely, sincerely pleased for him. But that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to a dear friend and trusted colleague.

Life has a way of throwing these curve balls at us. Just when we start to get comfortable with a person, a place or a situation, something comes along to alter the recipe. A terrific neighbor moves away. Someone in the family graduates. A child finds new love and loyalties through marriage. The family's principle bread-winner is laid off.

Our ability to cope with change and disruption determine to a great degree, our peace, happiness and contentment in life.

But how do we do that? Philosophers have considered the question for centurie and their responses have been varied. According to the author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiaste comfort can be found in remembering that "to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Kahlil Gibran urged his listeners to "let today embrace the past with remembrance, and the future with longing."

A friend of mine who works for the government is fond of reminding his fellow bureaucrats that "survivability depends upon adaptability." And then there's Chri the California surf-rat, who once told me that the answer to life's problems can be summed up in four words: "Go with the flow."

"It's like surfing," Chris explained. "You can't organize the ocean. Waves just happen. You ride 'em where they take you, then you paddle back out there and catch the next one. Sure, you're always hoping for the perfect wave where you can get, like, you know, totally tubular. But mostly you just take 'em the way they come. It's not like you're trying to nail Jell-O to a tree, you know?"

I'm not exactly sure, but I think Chris was saying that life is a series of events―both good and bad. No matter how deft your organizational skill there will always be life-influencing factors over which you have no control. The truly successful person expects the unexpected, and is prepared to make adjustments should the need arise―as it almost always does.

That doesn't mean you don't keep trying to make all your dreams come true. It just means that when things come up that aren't exactly in your plan, you work around them―and then you move on. Of course, some bumps along the road of life are easier to take than others. A rained-out picnic, for example, is easier to cope with than the sudden death of a loved one. But the principle is the same.

"Change, indeed, is painful, yet ever needful," said philosopher Thomas Carlyle. "And if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope."

We're going to miss Mark, just like you'll miss that graduate, that neighbor or that newlywed. But rather than dwell on the sadness of our parting, we'll focus on our hopes for a brighter future―for him, and for us. And then we'll go out and do everything we can to make that future happen.

Until our plans change―again.

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A Lesson for Living

"Everything happens for the best," my mother said whenever I faced disappointment. "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. And you'll realize that it wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment."

Mother was right, as I discovered after graduating from college in 1932. I had decided to try for a job in radio, then work my way up to sports announcer. I hitchhiked to Chicago and knocked on the door of every station - and got turned down every time.

In one studio, a kind lady told me that big stations couldn't risk hiring an inexperienced person. "Go out in the sticks and find a small station that'll give you a chance," she said.

I thumbed home to Dixon, Illinois. While there was no radio-announcing jobs in Dixon, my father said Montgomery Ward had opened a store and wanted a local athlete to manage its sports department. Since Dixon was where I had played high school football, I applied. The job sounded just right for me. But I wasn't hired.

My disappointment must have shown. "Everything happens for the best," Mom reminded me. Dad offered me the car to job hunt. I tried WOC Radio in Davenport, Iowa. The program director, a wonderful Scotsman named Peter MacArthur, told me they had already hired an announcer.

As I left his office, my frustration boiled over. I asked aloud, "How can a fellow get to be a sports announcer if he can't get a job in a radio station?"

I was waiting for the elevator when I heard MacArthur calling, "What was that you said about sports? Do you know anything about football?" Then he stood me before a microphone and asked me to broadcast an imaginary game.

On my way home, as I have many times since, I thought of my mother's words: "If you carry on, one day something good will happen. Something wouldn't have happened if not for that previous disappointment."

I often wonder what direction my life might have taken if I'd gotten the job at Montgomery Ward.

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The Long Goodbye

"They grow up too soon," everyone told me. Eighteen years later, I finally understand what they meant.

It's nearly the end of summer break and my son goes out with friends. Ten minutes after he leaves home, I receive his text: Here. It's the same message I've received hundreds of times before -- our agreed-upon shorthand to reassure me, and probably him, in some still-unexamined way, that he has arrived safely at his destination. In a matter of days he'll head to college, and this routine, along with many others that have framed our days and nights, will come to an end. Reading that text triggers images stored safely away in my memory, a tiny flip book of our lives together.

My constant companion of nine months emerges with his eyes wide open. He's placed on my chest. I feel his heartbeat reverberating through mine. All I see are beginnings. Friends who visit caution that time is elusive, that he'll grow up faster than I can imagine, and to savor every moment. But I can't hear them; it's all too clichéd and my child has only just arrived. He's intoxicating: the beautiful bracelet-like creases in his wrists, the way he sounds like a little lamb when he cries. I'm filled with a renewed sense of purpose, of hope, of love. The first few months after he's born are topsy-turvy -- day is night, night is day. When sleep finally returns, so does work. My business suit is tight, my mind preoccupied. I pump milk in a cold, gray bathroom stall.

His teeth begin to appear. Baby bottles give way to solid foods. He points high above his chair to the clock on the wall. "Clock," he says. It's his first word, minus the "l," and it makes me laugh. Soon he is walking, skipping, making angels in the snow.

I'm promoted at work. It becomes harder to find the time to make playdates and pediatrician appointments. At lunch I read books about nurturing, teaching, inspiring your child. He calls my office with the help of his baby­sitter. "Momma," he says, "I'm making you a present."

The tooth fairy arrives and leaves him handwritten notes. He discovers knock-knock jokes and learns how to add, subtract, and read. He builds giant castles with giant Legos, rides his shiny bike down a country road with his feet off the pedals.

I quit my job to do freelance writing -- everything from training programs to marketing brochures to essays -­ usually when the rest of the family is sleeping. There's never enough ­money, but now at least we have time.

Saturday nights are always family nights, spent at home. There are countless sporting events. He tries baseball, soccer, and track, then falls head over heels for basketball. He swings from tree limbs, wears superhero costumes, develops crushes, friendships, and fevers.

I volunteer at his school: cut, paste, read, nourish, fund-raise, chaperone. I like this job.

There are marathon bedtime story rituals, endless questions about how things work, and monsters under the bed. Lego pieces grow smaller and castles more intricate. He tries the guitar, plays the trombone, saves ­quarters to buy video games, and collects trading cards, which he keeps in a shoe box under his bed.

We get a dog. He loves this dog with all his heart. The dog loves him back.

One day his height surpasses mine and, seemingly the next, his father's.

He reads an essay by a sportswriter. It lights a fire in him. He starts to write his own stuff, wandering into my office as I try to juggle freelance assignments.

I feel privileged to read his work.

Orthodontics are removed to reveal straight pearly whites. He earns his first paycheck as a baseball referee but wishes that it had been as a writer.

He learns to do the laundry, scrub the bathroom, and make pasta, though he often professes to forget how to do all three.

He turns 18.

On a cold and rainy Election Day we head out together to vote. After two hours waiting in line, he's the only teen in sight. It's not lost on him -- by the next morning he has written all about it.

He gets a job as a blogger, then starts his own website. And all the while there are macroeconomics, physics, and college applications.

The flip book's down to its last pages.

I've defined myself as a mother for 18 years. Who am I now? I look in the mirror. In my quest to help him grow wings, I forgot to grow some of my own. Can I find a new sense of purpose, rechannel the love?

Before I was a mother I was a daughter, infused with energy and the unspoken reassurance that my parents would always be there. But I can't be a daughter again. I'm on my own.

Does purpose -- mine, yours, anyone's -- require someone to nurture it, or is it inherent in all of us?

I'll soon be putting these competing theories to the test.

As I sit down to write this piece, I receive his text: Where are you?

Here, I text back.

For now.

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The Chinese dragon

The dragon is an important cultural totem of the Chinese people, who name themselves "the descendants of the dragon". You may have many questions about this mythical and powerful creature in Chinese history and legend. How many animals are featured in the dragon's form? What does the number of dragon claws indicate? Why is the dragon an emblem of imperial power? Where will you find the 9 sons of the dragon? Let's roll down to find the answers in the story.
龙是中华民族的重要文化图腾。作为"龙的传人"，你可知龙的形象中暗藏了哪些动物？龙爪的多少有何寓意？龙何以成为皇权的象征？在哪些地方能看到龙之九子？今天就让我们透过历史和传说的迷雾，找寻那条充满神秘与力量的东方巨龙。

【龙的起源】
Where does the Chinese dragon come from? One theory is that its form originated from totems(图腾) of different tribes in ancient China, as a merger(合并) of totems of various tribes that had merged.
龙从何而来？有一种说法是，龙的形象源于中国远古时期各个部落的图腾，部落之间的合并带来了各部落图腾的融合，并最终形成了龙的样子。

Legend has it that many tribes settled along the Yellow River about 4,000 years ago, each having its own totem bearing the images of tigers, oxen, horses or deer. The first legendary emperor of China, Huangdi, used a snake for the totem of his tribe.
传说在4000前，黄河流域生活着许多部落，他们都拥有自己的图腾，如虎、牛、马、鹿等各种动物。中国古史传说中的始祖――黄帝，用蛇作为其部落的图腾。

Every time Huangdi conquered another tribe, he incorporated his defeated enemy's emblem into his own, and fashioned the image of what has come to be known as a dragon, thus explaining why the dragon appears to have features of various animals.
黄帝四处征战，每胜一个部落，就将那个部落的图腾加到自己的图腾里面。久而久之，便形成了龙的样子。这也解释了为什么龙有多种动物的特征。
【龙的形象】
According to a general description, Chinese dragons have the head of a camel, horns of a deer, eyes of a rabbit, body of a snake, belly of clam(蛤), scales of fish, claws of an eagle, paws of a tiger, and ears of a cow.
龙长什么样？通常人们用9种动物的特征来描述它的形象：头似驼、角似鹿、眼似兔、身似蛇、腹似蜃(大蛤)、鳞似鱼、爪似鹰、掌似虎、耳似牛。

Many pictures of Chinese dragons show a flaming pearl under their chin. The pearl is associated with wealth, good luck and prosperity.
许多绘画当中都可见龙颌下有一颗火珠，这颗龙珠有着财富、吉祥、繁荣等寓意。

The breath of the dragon forms a cloud, which can change into either rain or fire. It is able to expand or shrink its body, and in addition it has the ability to transform itself and become invisible.
龙呵气成云，既能变水，又能变火。龙变化多端，能大能小，能隐能现。

The number of claws or toes of a dragon is no minor matter. It has a connotation of social class status. In the Zhou Dynasty, the 5-clawed dragon was assigned to the Son of Heaven, the 4-clawed dragon to the nobles, and the 3-clawed dragon to the ministers.
龙的爪子大有文章，龙爪(趾)数量的多少象征着阶级地位的不同。早在周朝，就有"五爪天子、四爪诸侯、三爪大夫"之说。

From the Yuan Dynasty, 5-clawed dragons were reserved for emperors only. The 4- or 3-clawed dragon was used by lower ranks and the general public.
自元代起，五爪龙的造型只有皇帝可以使用，下臣和百姓只能用四爪或三爪龙的图案。

【龙的职能】
Chinese dragons are strongly associated with water in popular belief. They are believed to be the rulers of moving bodies of water, such as rivers, lakes or seas.
在老百姓心目中，龙与水密不可分，它们能够控制江河湖海等各种水体。

Because of this association, they are seen as "in charge" of water-related weather phenomenon. In pre-modern times, many villages had temples dedicated to their local "dragon king". In times of drought or flooding, the community would offer sacrifices to appease the dragon, either to ask for rain, or a cessation thereof.
也正因如此，龙被奉为司云布雨的神灵。在古代，许多村庄都建造了供奉着当地龙王的庙宇。每逢旱涝，百姓们便献食祭祀，祈求龙王降雨抗旱或避风退洪。

In Chinese palaces, we can sometimes see dragon-head scuppers(排水口) on the base of the walls. This is because people believe dragons control water and they hope the dragon-head scuppers can help their drainage system work better. So nowadays, faucets, in Chinese, are called "Shuilongtou" which means "Water Dragon's Head."
在中国古代宫殿的墙角通常可见龙头形状的排水口，因为人们相信龙能治水，可帮助顺利排水。这也是为什么现在有"水龙头"一说。

【帝王之龙】
Historically, the dragon was the symbol of the emperor of China. According to legend, both of China's earliest emperors, Yandi and Huangdi, were closely related to the dragon.
自古以来，龙就是中国帝王的象征。在民间传说中，中国最早的皇帝，炎帝和黄帝都与龙有着密切联系。

At the end of his reign, Huangdi was said to have ridden on a dragon, and ascended to heaven. The other legendary emperor, Yandi was born from his mother's telepathy with a mythic dragon.
相传黄帝在其统治末期，乘龙而升天。而传说中的另一位帝王――炎帝，则是由母亲与神龙交相感应而生。

Since the Chinese consider Huangdi and Yandi as their ancestors, they sometimes refer to themselves as "the descendants of the dragon". This legend also contributed towards the use of the Chinese dragon as a symbol of imperial power.
由于中国人视黄、炎二帝为祖先，这才有了"龙的传人"这一说法。基于这类传说，龙逐渐成为了皇权的象征。

【龙生九子】
According to Ming Dynasty texts, the Chinese dragon has 9 offspring. Each of them has different interests. Their shapes are used as ornaments according to their nature.
根据明代文献记载，龙生九子，各有不同。人们根据它们的天性喜好，将它们的形象装饰在各种建筑、器物上。

Pulao, which like to cry, are represented on the tops of bells, serving as handles.
蒲牢：平生好鸣，它的头像被用作大钟的钟纽；
Chiwen, which like swallowing, are placed on both ends of the ridgepoles of roofs to "swallow fire".
螭吻：平生好吞，被装饰在屋脊正脊两端，用以辟除火灾；
Qiuniu, which like music, are used to adorn 2-stringed violins.
囚牛：性喜音乐，其形为胡琴琴杆上的刻像；
Yazi, which like to kill, serve as ornaments of sword-grips.(See photo)
睚眦：平生好杀，喜血腥之气，其形为刀柄上所刻之兽像；
Chaofeng, which like precipices, are placed on the corners of roofs.
嘲风：喜好冒险，被置于殿角；
Bixi, which like to carry heavy objects, are placed under grave-monuments.
��：平生好负重，被安放在碑座下驮载石碑；
Bi'an, tiger-like beasts which like litigation, are placed over prison gates.
狴犴：平生好讼，是狱门上虎头形的装饰；
Suanni, which like to sit down, are represented upon the bases of Buddhist idols.
狻猊：平生喜静好坐，因此被用作佛座脚部的装饰；
Fuxi, which are fond of literature, are represented on the sides of grave-monuments.
负�：平生好文，石碑两旁的文龙就是它。

The dragon occupies a very important position in Chinese mythology. There are still many tales to tell about the charismatic creature. It shows up in Chinese arts, poetry, songs and architecture. It leaves its footprints on the thousands of years of Chinese history, and is now deeply rooted in every Chinese person's heart.
龙在中国古代神话中占据着极其重要的位置，关于龙的传说还有很多很多。在中国的艺术作品中，诗词歌赋里，建筑装饰上，无处不见龙的身影。龙在中国的悠久历史中深深烙下它的足印，历经数千年的沉淀，早已根植于每一个中国人的心中。

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A Letter to my Future Self

In 1994 I wrote a letter. I stuck it in an envelope, put it away and completely forgot about it.

It wasn't until we moved into our new home in 2006 that I found it again. It was addressed to me with explicit instructions not to open until my birthday 2005. It was now 2006 so I decided to open it. This is what it said:

Dear Sherri

 

By the time you read this you will be 30. At the age of 18 I had so many hopes and dreams about where you'd be, what you'd be doing and with whom you'd spend your life with.

Right now I hope that you have traveled and seen everything you've always wanted to, both in Canada and overseas, and maybe even settled down somewhere in Australia doing some research in the field of biology (genetics).

I hope you're married to the man of your dreams. The man of mine is Gwynn. He is originally from South Africa (another place I wish to visit).

You'll probably have two children of your own – a girl(Michaela Anne) and a boy (name yet to be decided).

If everything goes according to plan you'll be living in Australia in a big house in a small town outside of a big city with a lot of land, a dog, Gwynn and your two beautiful children. Hopefully you have a career in the medical field, maybe doing research in genetics. Gwynn will be a computer programmer and you will be doing alright for yourselves.

However, if things don't go according to plan for you, I wish you all the love, happiness and joy in the world and don't settle for anything less than the best since that is absolutely what you deserve.

Live long, be happy and live life to it's fullest.

Love Sherri "18″

When I read this for the first time since writing it I was floored. Even now having dug this up again another 4 years later I still can't help but think this is really cool.

So much of what I wanted for myself has materialized.

• I did travel to a few more places in Canada although I haven't seen everything I'd like to.
• I did marry the man of my dreams and yes he still is my one and only.
• I've traveled to the UK, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand.
• I lived in Australia for nearly 4 years in a big house, in a small suburb, in a major city (close enough).
• I had a career in Biology in the field of genetics for 10 years.
• I have two lovely kids – both boys (names now decided).
• I have not one dog but two dogs. Both yellow labs from Australia.
• Gwynn is a computer programmer.
• We are doing okay for ourselves.

After writing this I quickly forgot about what I had put in here actually. The things that materialized were all met with quite a bit of resistance (all internal) but I suppose these were things that I really did want. Having never strayed too far from home overseas travel was a huge deal. Having never been away from my family moving to Australia for several years was an incredibly huge decision.

I find it fascinating how the dreams of a young and naive little girl can become a grown woman's reality.

I'm curious if you guys have ever written anything to your future self and how it stacks up to your current reality. If you haven't, will you join me in writing a letter now to yourself in say 10 years from now? It's an interesting little experiment.

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Enjoy the coffee instead

A group of graduates got together to visit their old university professor.

The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and a variety of cups—porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain-looking, some expensive, some exquisite—telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said,

"If you have noticed, all the nice-looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. "

"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. "

"What all of you really want is coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

"Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! Don't let the cups drive you ... enjoy the coffee instead."

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Happy Birthday

I like birthdays. I like fuss, a grand gesture. X can't understand the fuss. It's about upbringing, I think: his parents unceremoniously hand him something – not even wrapped – at some point within a few months of the date. I'm fairly sure they don't know when it is. For me, birthdays mean surprises, parties, over-excited children blowing out candles on sponge cakes. Like pencil marks on the wall, they are the backbone around which you hang family rituals. Birthdays are also a way to make up for the failings – perceived or real – of the past 12 months.

We didn't have the stomach for the last round. Absorbed in our own misery, X and I lumped the boys' birthday parties together, a swiftly expedited afternoon in a soft-play centre, a swiss roll with candles. It's hardly the stuff of misery memoirs, but it made me sad.

 

Now a year has passed and birthday season is upon us, for the first time as a separated family. The boys' birthdays are close together and it feels like a milestone; I want to do it right. On top of my normal birthday fixation, I know the last weeks have been very hard for the children. I am scarcely mother of the year at the moment: I have made no headway in trying to find a new job, which scares me stupid, and am still bruised and shocked from the accident. My temper is short and I cry a lot. I've seen a naked look of worry in the eldest's eyes and felt powerless to make it go away.

It's the youngest's birthday first. He takes after his father in this: he's not really bothered. He likes presents, of course, but doesn't have my – or his brother's –need to turn the day into a Busby Berkeley musical with a firework finale. Even so, I am determined to do it properly, to crank out the old family rituals and create new ones. He'll be at X's on the morning of his birthday, mine in the evening. We've said we'll have dinner together, agreed who should get him which present.

In preparation for the big day, I bring out the stalwart Women's Weekly cake book and canvass his opinion. "So which cake would you like? A robot? A train? A spider? I don't think I'd be very good at the castle but I'll give it a try."

He deflates my ambitions. "I just want a plain square one."

"Are you sure? That's easy. With sweets on it?"

He purses his lips in thought. "Ok." I think he's humouring me. I prod him further, and he chooses something for his birthday dinner, something he has every week. I rather admire how matter of fact he is. He's one of those children that asks for a calculator and a toothbrush for Christmas.

While he's at his father's, I make a square cake. I sneak his age on to the top in Smarties, then make another for school, with chocolate fudge icing. I wrap his presents and write his card. It's very quiet in the empty house and I don't have to hide the cake in a cupboard, or issue dire "Don't come into my bedroom!" warnings. There's no sense of anticipation, and I don't like it. It's even worse in the morning, the first time in years I haven't been woken at five on a birthday morning by an over-excited child. I don't want to do this again, I think, as I take the foil wrapped cake up the road to school.

The evening is better. I collect the boys from school and he opens his presents. Later, X comes round and builds some Lego while I make the requested boring dinner. We eat and then we light the candles, blow them out, take the obligatory pictures. The youngest is smiling his small, careful smile in them. It feels like a birthday, at last. We both need to be there, it turns out: after all, we both made him.

We'll know for next time.

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